All I Need Is You.

So long.

2007-03-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

I know who you are.
Take care.

No sleep tonight.

2007-03-12T04:26:00.000+08:00

Karl, I`m sorry. I thought you would have understood. I was scared about school later on and I needed to vent. I know I shouldn`t vent on you, but I just felt so fucked up inside. And of all people, I really thought you`d help me.

But I was wrong. I only made you angry. Now that`s another thing I`ve to worry about. Now, I`m scared I`ll lose you yet again cause of my actions. Baby, I can`t be me around you anymore. I guess you don`t like this side of me. I`m sorry, this is part of me as well. Sigh. I keep things to myself cause I know you`ll somehow get angry with me in the end of it all. I say things which 'fuck you up' and I`m truely sorry.

I just really thought you`d understand. )': I thought you`d understand I was saying such things cause I was goddamn fucking scared. Like how I understand when you say things when you`re angry or drunk. I never did hang up or just go offline like that, did I? Did I ever do that, to leave you hanging in a lurch? Even if I did hang up, I`d call back 1 or 2 minutes later cause I don`t want you feeling fucked up/worried (should you feel that). I never did ignore you a whole night, did I? Do you know how shitty I feel after you do so. I literally break down into tears, just so you know. And its not just one or two tears. Its to a point of uncontrollable, breathless sobs and that I feel like I shouldn`t live anymore. I guess I expected too much. "Do onto others, what you want others to do onto you", why the fuck do I even believe in that?

Baby, I`m just so sorry for what I said. I wished you`d stop leaving me in the lurch, especially at this moment when I need you the most. You used to be the 1st person I`d think of whenever I needed to turn to someone/get things off my chest, but now I have second thoughts. All because I have this immense fear of you getting angry and ignoring me or worst leaving. I can`t take these emotional games anymore. I know you`ll say you went offline cause you don`t want us to argue, but really I think that`s causing us to argue more.

I wished you could be more tolerable of my moodswings. I wish you could handle your temper more. I wish the most, that you`d stop hanging up on me and (now) just going offline. You promised to stop all that. Baby, how do you expect me to believe in your promises anymore? ):

No, I`m not going to leave you cause of that. I just hope, one day, we`d be able to get everything out. Without you hanging up/signing out/walking away. Stop running, love. I can`t handle all that for long.

Sigh. I have to wake up in 2hrs. I`m not one bit tired. Maybe I am but my mind`s too overwhelmed by thoughts of what happened just now.

Karl, I love you. I am sorry. I don`t know what else to do. I want to be all me with you, I don`t want to walk on eggshells anymore. ): I want you to see every side of me, and handle it. But, looks like you can`t.

Sorry isn`t enough. Tears are nothing to you. Would blood, be enough? That is how much you mean to me, and how much your actions affect me. Stupid, I know. I`m sorry I love you.

As you can see, my week has officially started off like shit and will only get worse.
I need saving, I need an outlet. I need to disappear. That`s what.

What if the only who can stop you from crying, is the one who made you cry?

Brand new week ahead.

2007-03-12T01:52:00.000+08:00

Good morning lovelies.

Nothing interesting has happened since my last update, I promise. Well, except for Sunday of course. It was NADZRI`s birthday! (: His sweet 16. Haha, damn I miss being 16.

Anyway, we(Nadzri/Kai/Guy/Roy/Howen/Clement/Amelia) went to catch a movie, "300". Dammmmn it was goooooood. However I must agree, there was no storyline at all. But c`mon girls, ALL the Spartan guys have 8-packs and, the Queen and Oracle with the body to die for, WHO NEEDS A STORYLINE. Visual pleasure I tell you. Pure bliss for me. I think Gerard Butler(King Leonidas) is oh-so-very good-looking and Lena Headey (Queen Gorgo) is gorgeous with a body to die for. Right, after the movie. Walked a lil with them then decided to head home.

Its so cold. ): The wind`s so strong. Ughhs. So, I downloaded movies to watch. Got "Hannible, the rising", "Flushed away", "Stomp the yard", "Black christmas" and "Norbit". Couldn`t get Saw3. RAHHH ))): Whatever. "Stomp the yard" is just like "You got served", cept worse. I watched a few mins of it and boyyy it was so bad. "You got served" is WAY better. "Norbit" & "Flushed away" look stupid. Fuck. Gonna watch Hannible and Black Christmas tmr after school. I hope its all clear. Gah.

School later.

oh lastly, I HATE PEOPLE WHO COPY. GO GET YOUR OWN LINES, PLEASE. YOU THINK YOU`RE OH SO CONFIDENT. THINK UP SOMETHING ELSE RATHER THEN TAKING MY LINES. UGH.

Ok. Bye

Lost connection

2007-03-07T17:38:00.000+08:00

I know I was going to list names, but really sorry. I`m not going to.

You guys know who you are obviously and I love you guys (:

Well, life goes on.

Anyway, Nacho`s hse in the evening. They got me a cake (: Awwww. Sweetest pls. Thanks Nacho, Amelia, Howen, Sam, Nana and Clement(sp?) for being there. I swear this bunch of people are the bomb lurh. Lol. Sadly Clair wasn`t there. ): Oh wells. Watched Borat and messed arnd with the dog. Left arnd 10+.

Lastly, Root81! I hope your postings went well. Tell me tell me where`d you guys go alright!! And obviously I`m not comparing kay, I`m in fuckin Taiwan. SO SHARE THE NEWS. I miss you guys loads! 21st, 21st! Loveeee.

BYEE.

Thank you (:

2007-03-05T08:40:00.000+08:00

A BIG THANKS TO THOSE WHO WISHED ME (:

Will list names when I get home. Currently in the school`s library cause its Chinese now and we don`t need to be in class. I am tired. Its raining and gloomy outside. Perfect weather to sleep. Gahhh.

Well, I`m 17 already. God dammit. Feels so old. Don`t you think that 16 to 17 seems like such a big gap? Ah nvm. Just to let you guys know, I`m feeling old. Well maybe cause most of my friends here are 15, going on 16 this year. *shrugs*

I`m tireddddddddddddddd.

Karl lost his phone. His comp is acting up. I can only call his house. I feel like shit. I`m losing my boyfriend.

I need sleep. BYE.

March 4th

2007-03-04T02:26:00.000+08:00

Many thanks to those who have wished me happy birthday already (: Really appreciate it a whole lot. I love you guys, really. It sure did put a smile on my face.

However, I`m still not happy. So much for 'happy birthday'. I called him and we barely spoke. Then he had to hang up cause he was with his friends, going to someone else`s birthday party. My day, I want to talk to him, and I can`t. It only ended up with me crying and he getting angry. Perfect. I don`t expect any gifts whatsoever from him. Just a chance to talk a while on the phone but no, didn`t get that.

Sigh. I hate my birthdays. They`ve lost signignificance to me already. Fuck it, its just another day. Fancy crying on the start of your birthday. Baby I`m sorry my birthday clashed with your friend`s birthday chalet. I`m sorry I looked forward to talk to you on my birthday too. I`M SO FUCKING SORRY FOR 'BEING LIKE THAT' AS YOU PUT IT AND PISSING YOU OFF BEFORE YOUR FRIEND`S CHALET. I AM SO DAMN SORRY YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND LIKE ME.

I only wanted a little of your time.

But its alright. I will be fine. I understand what I am to you now, where I stand in your life. I thought you`d be alright talking to me while with your friends, just for today. Cause it is my birthday.

Sorry, I expect too much from you. Can I buy a little of your time instead?

I love you, still. I really do.

Girlies.

2007-02-25T02:51:00.000+08:00

Almy, since you don`t have a tagboard. I`ll reply from here. (: Anyway babe, I`m glad I helped a lil. You know I`ll try and help you in any way possible even though I`m all the way in (fucking) Taipei. You`re my darling, man! I don`t wanna see you sad. Take care yarr!

Sexy! "PARTY-PARTY", "DRINK-DRANK-DRUNK" when I`m back alright? Hope you`re alright too (: I`m here for you too should you need anything. I`m always on MSN. (i have no life you see) Well take care pls. Miss you plenttyy.

---

I miss my friends. Really. I feel so distant from them. Okay I am literally. Sucks lurhs. Root81, Almy and my Sexy. Ahhh I miss you guys heaps. I may not say it but many times I look at my schoolmates in my current school, and I wish so badly I was back in S`pore. No one here can joke arnd. They`re so immature. ):

I`m so glad to have met Root81, Almy and Sexy. They made SAC life worth while and they still brighten my life. I don`t know what I`d do without these bunch.

PEOPLE I MISS YOU GUYS!! (: MARCCHHHH.

---

Karl`s hp batt died. I haven`t spoken to him the whole day. Feeling like shit. I don`t think it bothers him that we didn`t talk. Gahhhhh. ): I hate this. BABY! I miss you..

---

Okay I`m off.

When is it too late?

2007-02-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

Just read Almy`s blog. Cheer up, love. I hope you`re feeling better. I love you babe! (:

Anyway, she said something like "a drunk person always speaks the truth". I agree, really. But then when I think about what he said to me before, I was in denial about that statement. So, do people really tell the truth when their drunk? Did he really mean what he said that night? I shouldn`t think about it actually. With the reassurances he`s given me off and on, it looks like we`re alright.

But baby, you`re not faking what you feel. Are you? I`m not doubting what you say to me. Don`t get me wrong. I believe everything you say. As much as I tell myself never to believe guys and trust them whole-heartedly, I can`t do the same for you. I love you a lot. Please be true.

I`m babbling.

Well, Macau was good. The spa was fan-fucking-tastic. (: Arrived around noon on wednesday. Went straight to the spa, then dinner. Next day, went arnd looking at a few places, lunched then caught the flight back. Yes, technically I only went to Macau for a spa, dinner and lunch. (: Thanks uncle Jerry, it was all goooood.

Pictures up sometime soon, I GUESS. heh.

Alright got a guest downstairs. I`m off! More updates hopefully.

BYEEE.

I LOVE YOU ):

2007-02-20T21:58:00.000+08:00

He`s at work. No word from him. Is he ignoring me? I don`t know what I did wrong, so I don`t know what to do to make things right. Baby you know I`d do anything to make us right. ):

Don`t ignore me, please. I miss you so much. I`m sorry for being petty. I`m sorry for being such a bitch to you last night. Baby pleassse. Enough. I LOVE YOU okay.

I want to cry so badly, it hurts so much. I haven`t felt this way in a while. Take my heart, take my whatever; just so I don`t feel all this anymore.

Karl, I love you more than words can say. Believe me.

---

Baby, It's Fact
Hellogoodbye

Just in case they're wondering
They've got us pinned terribly
They don't believe our love is real
'Cause they don't know how real love feels

You should know, it's true, just now the part about my
Love for you and how my heart's about to
Burst into a thousand pieces so it
Must be true and they'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact our love is true
The way black is black and blue is just blue
My love is true, it's a matter of fact
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

Baby our love is true

They may say some awful things
But there's no point in listening
Your words are the only words
That I believe in afterwards

You should know, it's true, just now the part about my
Love for you and how my heart's about to
Burst into a thousand pieces so it
Must be true and they'll believe us too soon

Baby, it's fact our love is true
The way black is black and blue is just blue
My love is true, it's a matter of fact
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

Baby our love it's true
It's true oh oh oh
It's true oh oh oh
It's true oh oh oh

Baby, it's fact our love is true
The way black is black and blue is just blue
My love is true, it's a matter of fact
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact our love is true
The way black is black and blue is just blue
My love is true, it's a matter of fact
Oh and you love me too, it's as simple as that

Baby, it's fact our love is true
Baby, it's fact our love is true
Oh Oh Oh Oh
Baby, it's fact our love is true
Baby, it's fact our love is true
Baby, it's fact our love is true

Our love is true

Where`d you go

2007-02-20T19:21:00.000+08:00

I miss you so. ):

I haven`t heard from Karl since last night. I was being petty again. ): I hate myself. I`m so afraid to show how I truely feel, cause I`m afraid I`ll fuck it all up. Then again I think I already did. )':

I want us to work, but you`re not letting me. Baby, if you don`t love me anymore; tell me. Don`t fake what you don`t feel cause it`ll only hurt me more. No matter how awful it may be, the truth is still the best.

Karl Anthony Fernandez, I really love you. So fucking much.

Mundane.

2007-02-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

I haven`t done anything productive since my last entry. I can safely say I have only done 2 major things everyday. I only sleep, and I`m stuck to my laptop the rest of the time. Taking breaks to get food or go to the toilet. This is getting bad. I am rotting away. (but I`m not complaining.)

The love`s not feeling well. Baby I hope you`re feeling alright. You didn`t reply my msg so I guess you`re sleeping? *shrugs* I hope you are. I <3 you heaps and heaps. xoxo.

Oh, my chinese new yr is boring. I die every morning at 6:30am because my neighbours decide to lit fire crackers at that time. Its not funny cause they sound as though they`re right outside my sliding door, and having shitty walls don`t help either. The fire crackers give me heart attacks every morning. I hope I make it through this CNY if the crackers continue every morning. FUCKERS!

Alright, songs again. Yes, there`s chinese. Must be the chinese new yr mood or something =\ fugoffokay.

Okay luh, they`re old but they still sound good. (: The FIR can make me cry, FIR makes me cry luh. Bastards.

"On The Way Down" is still good too.

And the next song is fucking nice, I LIKE. Its so cute lurhs.
"And I love her with all that I have".. C`mon, awwwww.

And I love him, with all that I have.

2007-02-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

Chinese new year`s tmr. Gong Xi Fa Cai, all you ~~cheena poks. Chinks~~ Chinese! (: Have a good one.

Went to school on Friday. Went late and left early. Got spotted by some ~~gay~~ teacher outside but I just kept walking and turned away. He didn`t say anything, don`t think he really gave a shit anyway. We`ll see next Monday (if he remembers). All I know is, deny all the way. (: Simple.

So, the one week hols are on. Heading to Macau on Wed till Fri? Yeah, its just a short trip cause stepdad`s boss wants to have golf and dinner with the other bosses. Family included. Tickets paid by stepdad`s boss so we gotta go. Booked in for a spa too! This could be exciting. Not. Ugh. I want to tann. Well, just gotta go. Don`t fuck around with the big boss with the money. I know that much.

Baby`s signed up for his O`s already. (: Please study academics, not the girls in your future class. I trust you baby. Always have, always will. Don`t make me lose that trust alright? <3 Neither do you take it for granted. I love you whole-heartedly. I think you know by now. So much that words and actions aren`t enough to describe its extent. Baby you can do it! Study hard, my love.

Alrights, there`s really nothing much to update anymore. Till the next update!

Loves(:

Baby cakes.

2007-02-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

I`m sorry for the lack of updates to those who give a shit. (: Haven`t been to school but I will be going tmr. I have to, I must.

Valentine`s was spent like every other day. Nothing special and I`m not complaining. I love my boy to bits. (:

Didn`t do anything today either. Sex In The City season 5 already. Damn. What am I gonna watch after that??? ):

Well, its past midnight. Happy 4th, my love. We`ll make it. We`ll prove everyone wrong like we said we would.

I <3 YOU KARL.

Be my escape.

2007-02-13T23:29:00.001+08:00

(I miss playing my piano..)

(I want to club..)

(Old song, I like. Fuck off)

Love needs no reason.

2007-02-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

I`ve been through quite an emotional rollercoaster. I want to forget what happened on Sunday, I want to forget whatever was said. I want to pretend Sunday never happened. I didn`t expect to react so greatly and be so affected by it. First time in my life did I ever feel so listless, so dead. Didn`t want to do anything at all. Spent most of Sunday night and early Monday morning thinking, wondering, hoping. I eventually fell asleep around 4+ and yes, I missed school on Monday. I woke up on time, but I just felt dead. I wished my bed swallowed me up, afterwhich the ground would swallow my bed. But no, none of that happened, I merely went back to sleep. I can say I never ever felt that bad in my entire life that I would miss school. I never ever missed school because I was, heartbroken. Screams pathetic I would say. Oh well. There`s a first for everything.

Everything`s better now. We`re talking normally but I know what I am to him now. I am no more of importance. I am slowly being forgotten. I`m tired of fighting for his attention, for him to remember I`m here and that I love him. All I`m going to do is sit here, and wait. Wait for the day he remembers ~~or leaves~~. He started work in the morning today, but I only got a sms in the afternoon. ): I thought I smsed him but the msg went into drafts. *cries* Why didn`t I check? WHY. I miss him, so so much. Forever and ever, babe.

**Sorry I didn`t msg this morning. I meant to but I was typing so quick, I pressed the "hang up" button before the msg could start sending hence it went into the drafts. ): I`m sorry! And I thought you didn`t want to reply/talk to me. I feel so stupid, baby. ))):**

I feel as though I`m walking on egg shells. The slightest wrong move could cause me to fuck it all up. Baby, I`m trying to be perfect for you. Hold on, I`ll get there soon. I`m really trying. Just for you. So please, just hold on a little more. < 3

---

School was ~~shit!!!!!~~ alright. (: Skipped P.E, ~~hid~~sat at the stairs then had maths. Bloody transformation + matrices test. Left many questions blank. I still don`t feel like doing anything. I still feel dead, but I`m getting better. Had science which was ~~super damn boring~~ so-so. Barely survived it. Thank God for Eric (though he`s quite perverted) and his uhhh 'querks' if not I would have fallen asleep. Left after that cause I didn`t wanna go for English. I hate Mr Haas for making me do the essay for Lit. Fuck you. I`ve done my share of essay writing for that level. I`ll start doing it in IB. (:

Bus-ed down to Jiantan station with yaoahyao. Had no where to go. Walked aimlessly till we were near Shilin Station. Stonned at some seats then headed back home. ANYTHING is better than Haas` lessons. What more their doing their coursework so yarrr. Came home and stonned even more. I told my mother I didn`t wanna go to school tmr and I got the "c`monnnnn alexciaaaaa'. Fine, I`ll go. Hear me complain when I`m back. Tmd#$%^&#$#)%. -.-" I`d rather go work at DHL. Fucking go to school to waste 80mins of my morning. Sheeshs. Nvm, I`ll get out of it. I will, I must.

Honestly, I don`t feel like going to school till after the CNY break cause everyone`s away. Fucked up only, go to school and have no friends. ~~cbcbcbcbcbcbcb.~~ MEH. I don`t want to go. Something to think about now.

Valentine`s Day tmr. Happy Valentine`s Day. May you get who you want (for the day). May you get what you want from your bfs. ~~May you guys get to fuck your gfs.~~ May you have a good day cause it only happens once a year. Have fun nitwits. VALENTINE`S IS SO FUCKING CLICHE. Wake up.

But on the bright side, 3 more days to the 4th. (((: I LOVE YOU!

Love deserves chances, but how many?

Forever and ever, babe.

2007-02-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

Will you love me in the morning?

Baby, please don`t go. )':

There is sadness, insanity and ruins.

2007-02-10T11:32:00.000+08:00

I`m a happy girl, I tell myself that. Hopefully one day I can stop reminding myself and it`d actually come naturally. Life is good, no doubt about it. I couldn`t ask for more. I`m happy with where I am, with the opportunity I`ve got to study. Everything seems all set for me, but why am I still perturbed.

People around me love and care for me. They bring laughter into my life. They make me feel myself, feel wanted. They give me the pleasure of living. I love and care for them too. However, there`s one person who I want to love and care for so fucking much (and already do) but that person doesn`t seem to want it or appreciate it. It feels as though I`ve been taken for granted. It feels as though I`ve been taken for not feeling anything. Karl, what do you want?

You know how much I feel for you, you know how much you mean to me. What am I to you? I`ll be honest now. I don`t think you really care. I honestly think that you don`t remember me when you`re out, and you only remember you have a girlfriend when you`re home. Sweet isn`t it. And what`s worse, is that you`re always out. I don`t feel special to you anymore. I don`t even feel like your friend. Maybe us not talking has gotten to me. I hope you get your charger soon, I hope I talk to you soon. I hope I don`t lose you, or myself.

I feel you`re losing feelings for me. I don`t know what to do. Me worrying how you are, if you`re alright, if you`re safe or did you drink yourself to the floor. I`m tired of worrying you know. Sigh.

Karl, please. I love you beyond words. And I really don`t know why I do, or why I should. But I know in my heart, you`re everything to me and I can`t lose you. I will not let you go. Then again, if you want to leave I can`t stop you. That`s something inevitable. ):

I don`t know what to do, what to feel. You`re not home now hence I can`t call your house. You don`t seem to bother that we don`t talk. You probably forgot me. Simple.

All this only shows how much I mean to you. Karl, you`re just a typical male. You`re no different from the rest. The only difference is, that I love you the most. Always have, probably always will.

Karl Anthony Fernandez, I miss you so fucking much. I love you so fucking much.

It hurts.

Good job (:

2007-02-09T23:55:00.000+08:00

I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR RESULTS! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE LOTS. (: I MISS SAC A WHOLE LOT. THE ROOT81 TIMES. AHHH. I MISS/LOVE ROOT81 PLENNNTY!

And, I hope Mrs Loh gets better. Though she was a lil annoying, she was still a good principal. Without her, I wouldn`t have made it to sec4. Ahhh GET WELL!

Righty, I`ll update more tmr. Laptop`s fucking up.

I MISS SAC!
I MISS ROOT81:

Nisha
Kelsey
Ning
Amanda
Gloria
Dee
Denyse
Leanne

Hope to see you guys in March!

2007-02-07T03:07:00.000+08:00

[edit]

I stayed awake hoping to talk to him over the phone. I did, for 2 or so mins. Only to find out that he`ll be washing up then heading out to meet his friend, and that he`d sms me. Mmmmm. That`s it, I see no point trying to stay up to talk. I`ll bite my tongue and not say anything to him about it. I`ll try not to at least. Why am I so foolish? Love makes you do stupid things.

Heart`s missing.

[/edit]

I have no title.

2007-02-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

I didn`t go to school yesterday cause I`m sick. Physically, not mentally. I`m down with a sorethroat, cough, occational fever and the flu (i think i caught it from Eric). Yeah, I`ve got the works. Going to school today though. I`m gonna try and survive it. Hah. Feeling a little better but my throat`s still sore. Ugh.

Still not done with my science report. I have no idea what to include in it. Fucked up. Shall complete it in school during the tonnes of free time I have. (: Not that I`d know what to include cause I`m in school luh. Doesn`t make a damn difference.

Right so I went to Shilin with my mother, she felt I needed some pollution cause I`ve been eating healthy this week and I`m sick still. I found the piglets. Omg so fucking cute I tell you. SO SO SO FUCKING CUTE. (I want one lurhs) They`re like about 3000NT (S$150). The dogs there are typical, small and cute. Some look like rats. The cats there look fucking fierce, they looked mixed with some mountain cats. Scary. Saw NS guys there too, plenty of mats. "Eh brudder you wan weech one arh?". I was so tempted to go "sup eh brudder, you lepak which corner". Or something to that extent. Heh. I`m sick, I need to sleep.

I miss him, he`s working so much. Argued so badly that day but all`s good now. Hardly talk still though. Oh well. ): He should be done with work soon, I`ll stay up and wait. I love that bum.

Damn the report, the flu, the cough and the sorethroat. Good night.

2007-02-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

I`m so fucking broken inside. I`ve got no one to cry to (even though i hate crying), but there`s a point when you just got to let it all out. I think I`m reaching that point. But too bad Alexcia, you`re on your own. See how much you can take till you break at the bends. Like I`ve said before, even though I have so many people around me. I`m still very much alone because I don`t know who to trust so I can open up. I hate being in a foreign land, all alone.

Those who actually care are all back in Singapore. And they are the ones who are always there for me online. I`m grateful for them.

Regarding the previous entry, this got better than turned for the worse. I refused to hang up cause I wanted to talk to him so badly. But he insisted that I did cause he "didn`t feel like talking". I was persistant about not hanging up, it eventually pissed him off so bad, he shouted at me. "Just hang the fucking phone up", well something to that extent. I didn`t feel anything at that moment but when he hung up, I fucking broke down and cried. Called Annurshah and she cheered me up. Thanks babe.

However, I think I`m just ignoring how I really feel. ): I`m still all fucked up inside. He`s not answering his phone and its worrying me. I don`t know if I can sleep. I`ve got work due but I just can`t bring myself to do it. I`m hurting inside.

And I can bet you that if someone were you come up to me, give me a hug and tell me everything`s gonna be alright. I will just cry. I swear. I`m that much on the verge of crying. I`m pathetic. Its sad.

I need to go to school. I need to get my daily dose of laughter. At least I`m happy, I think.

Excuse me, cause I can`t seem to find myself.

Chances.

2007-02-04T21:07:00.000+08:00

Karl Anthony Fernandez, don`t ever talk to my like that again. Don`t ever fucking raise your voice at me again cause I hate people who do that. I`m sorry if I wanted to talk to you. You falling asleep while talking doesn`t equal to a conversation. I don`t see a point in talking when you`re falling asleep. And raising your voice at me for asking you to wake up and talk, isn`t cool and it sure as fucking hell isn`t getting you anywhere.

I`m sorry if you want to lie in bed on your off day, and talk to me. I don`t mind except you`re falling asleep. AND, if you`re so tired and your off-day is just a day for you to sleep right through, maybe you should think about why you`re so tired. Maybe you should get your priorities straight. Working till so late, and going out till God knows what time. Going home and not knowing how. Waking up late for work and all. And what more! You want to take your Os this year? Please, you say you have a life as well. DON`T WE ALL?!?! Fuck.

You want to lie down yet talk to me while falling asleep. But you didn`t know I stay up on school nights to talk to you? But I saw no more point in it cause all I got way the "I call you back" or "I`ll sms" OR that you`re going out. I give up lah, Karl. I don`t know what to tell you anymore. Your life, your choices, you face the results when they come.

Even so, I still love you.

DHL`s year end party

2007-02-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

Alright, so here are the photos from last night. Don`t have many photos cause I didn`t have my camera at first. Righty.

So this is before the dinner in the VIP room (cheh!). My stepdad in his kilt, my mother and myself. It was some "40%, 40%, 40% and infinity" thingy. Don`t ask, I forgot.

Then they had performances by the staff, but I only got pictures of the Can-can ones. They were worth the photos/videos.

Rest of the night was just so full of energy. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themself. (: Stepdad got them all hyped up. It was nice to see everyone up from their seats and dancing etc.

Didn`t take much pictures but I`ve got videos which I`ll try and post up should youtube not fuck up. The emcees were good. (: I like. The guy is suppose to be some really popular and good comedian in Taiwan, with his own show and all. Too bad I don`t know who the fuck he is. Info anyone? (: Oh the girl, Stephnie, works with him too.

Don`t know who the hell they are still but I got her picture to show others. However she wanted to take pics so why not. She`s really cute luh. Alright, that`s about most of it. Videos soon. (:

Oh and this guy was cute:

(baby i still love you k)

Alrightyyy!

I`m off.

With love,

I had a fucking good night.

2007-02-04T02:35:00.000+08:00

Okayyy. I will upload pics. Brown Sugar was good after. Don`t, gulp down half a glass of JD`s and coke. Especially when the JD` s they put was so fucking much. HAH. I had my date with my Jack (:

All good things come to an end.

2007-02-03T08:53:00.000+08:00

Friday went by really quick. Spent the last 2 periods of school playing fucking stupid (but still fun) games. Went home for a while then headed out to Tian Mu with my mum. Sent my stuff for alteration, collection today. I pray they come out alright. Then again, how hard is it to shorten things? Had dinner then got a few sweaters and shit. My mother keeps thinking I`m going to freeze to death. I love you, mother. (: Stuff there were rather pricey, maybe because I`m so used to Shilin Night market (budget shopping). About $25 for a sweater, its actually alright. But no, to me its expensive. I`m that budget. LOL. No lurhs, I will spend a lil more if I really really like it. (: Headed to ACC to meet my stepdad cause he didn`t eat yet. After that, came home and I fell asleep like real quick.

Jumped out of bed this morning arnd 7:50am. Had funny dreams. Dreamt of so many people. =\ Those I never think of. Heh. So yeah, I`ve been awake since then. Dinner tonight. What a drag. I want to go out.

---

I`m losing you. I feel you slipping away and I can`t do anything about it. Maybe some were right, its the physical factor. I`m not there physically, that`s why. If that`s the case, its not love. Not sure what to do or say, cause I know you`ll get pissed having read this. I`m sorry, I`ve got no one to talk to. You get angry and annoyed when I mention something like this. I`ll keep my insecurities to myself, I`ll just keep every fucking thing to myself. ~~I am alone~~. You`re concentrating on work and I slowly disappear from your daily life. Forget me not, dearest. I love you even though it hurts. I don`t want to be selfish by holding you back. You`d probably want a girl who is actually physically there with you. And that`s one thing I can`t do. To be there for you in body. I feel you losing everything you`ve had for me, bit by bit. I don`t want to go, I don`t want you to go. I don`t want "us" to go. Am I foolish to love you so much? Love will always hurt. Enough. Please stop playing with my heartstrings, its either you hold them stable or just cut them. I`m tired, so very tired. I just want to love, and be loved in return. Its all easier said then done. Fuck love, fuck chemistry. Everyone`s lusting not loving. I feel tears. I feel myself dying inside.

---

Girl: If the radio breaks, will you sing to me?
Boy: I'll break the radio just to sing to you.

So sweet, it hit the heart. Where do you find a love like this?

Equinox.

2007-02-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

Good evening,

I think my day went by relatively well. This week`s Thursday wasn`t that bad afterall. Science was 'chao ji' boring. English/literature was a waste of time, periods 3 & 4 to read through 3 poems on love which I didn`t do cause I can`t be bothered about its rythem, tone, atmosphere created. Neither do I care if there is aliteration, whether its a sonnet or if its got enjamberment whatever shit. My gosh, their literature is so different from S`pore's. Its probably much easier but I need to get a hang of it. PSHE was normal, lots of laughter. (: Then lunch followed by Geog. I love Geography (here). All because I`ve done it before and I actually can pass it. They just learnt what affects temperature and there`s only 4 points unlike us with 6/7 points. HAH. I love it lurh. Finally I`m not the loser who can`t do Geog in school. I swear it was just SACSS. I was like the laid-back one who was known to be the one who nvr did hw. Sad to say, I was the 1st who people asked whether I did hw cause the think I`m that laid-back/lazy. Please. Looks can be deceiving. I get my work done in the end, one way or another. Whatever, I`m out of SAC already.

People in TES are so much nicer, more friendly. I actually enjoy going to school, you know. But maybe because lessons aren`t in full-swing for me till Aug. Oh well. Enjoy while I can ((((: Tmr`s a fucking good day cause its full of study time. I like plenty. (: PLUS ITS FRIDAY. Its all good.

---

Right, I don`t understand why so many people want to pierce their lips. Yes, I think its rather cool. However, one`s enough. What`s up with the 'snake bites' (one on each side) or having 3 (side, middle, side)? How is having holes in your lips/mouth cool? What more, every one has it?! But I noticed its all amongst the younger generation. They`ve grown up to be very much like sheeps. Herd-syndrom. Alright, not only the younger generation are sheep. They`re like new-age sheeps. Fucking stupid kinds. They think following one another is cool. HEH. Pathetic. And what`s worse, asking me what they`re called just to show you want to get em. Isn`t cool either. I don`t give a flying fuck if you have piercings all over your fucking face cause I don`t think its cool. One is enough, I like simplicity. Don`t over do it. You`re just fucking your face up. Oh wait, but if you`re born with a fuck-face, then I guess its alright. There`s a chance you`ll actually look better. (: OR! The studs/rings/barbells can take the attention off your face. Now I get it. (:

Bottomline is: fuck you, copycats. Go buy some originality for yourself.

---

And no, I`m not angry (:

SCHOOL TMR! ((((:

This explains the prev. entry?

2007-01-31T00:01:00.000+08:00

I`m perturbed.
I should stop listening to songs with sad lyrics.
I should stop thinking.
I should stop hoping.
I should stop having expectations.
(no expectations, no disappointments)
I should lighten up.
I should let go.
I should, I should, I should.

But I can`t.
Not now at least.

"Everybody needs a human touch.
Does anybody really get enough?"

~~I know I don`t.~~

*

I`m losing myself.
I don`t know where to go, who to turn to.
I want to go back to sanity.

Something that`s different.

2007-01-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

Quick one on school. It was alright overall. Lessons were mundane obviously, school is school. Its no funfair. (Except for Weds and Fri. LOL) Did PE today since I missed it last week. It wasn`t that bad, I hate softball though. (: Last 20mins, bball 3 on 3. I can say that I suck at bball. I`m too used to netball/captain's ball ruling. Oh well! Rest of the day just went by like that. Today wasn`t that cold during school hours. Got cold towards the end though. =\ Tmr`s a good day, plenty of study time. (:

---

I need to get this off my chest. It won`t make sense for sure cause my thoughts are scattered (as usual) and I`m just typing whatever comes to me. So, excuse me.

Read some stuff online, and I can`t help but question the phrase "will you be my bf/gf/stead" or something to that effect. How does that phrase/question change so many things between two people? When the girl (speaking from my side) says yes to the 'offer', suddenly the guy becomes all lovey-dovey, holds your hand, carries your things, follows you to places etc. And suddenly(!) you become his everything and he can`t live without you. Oh puh-lease. Funny thing is that, I thought all that was suppose to come before 'going steady'? When he`s willing to do all things, feelings evolve and you guys act like a couple, wouldnt you then ask if you guys are official? That`s what I think lurh. I dislike the fact that a girl answering yes to a guy`s 'offer' = Yes. You can say you love me, you can show care and concern for me, you can call me sweet names, you can hold my hand, you can hang around me and all. Orrrrr, ya you can fuck each other cause you`re bf and gf. Cb, you can go fuck anyone lah. You love him, he love you. Its a done deal. Ok no.

What if I agree, then I realise that I don`t like your care and concern, I don`t like it when you hold my hand or that I don`t like you calling me sweet names? What then? We break up, correct? So you can go around bitching to your friends what a cold-hearted bitch I was? Ugh. Or you can just add another 1 to your "# of ex gfs I have" list. How sickening. I admit I agreed to getting into relationships without much 'courtship'. Yes, I`ve jumped into a few without ~~much~~ thought. But I`ve been lucky, they lasted a fair amount of time and I learnt from every one. However, I still don`t like the fact that the 'will you be mine/etc' phrase can change how two people behave between each other. C`mon, so you can only hold hands with the guy after he`s asked you to be his gf vice versa, despite you 2 being faithful and love each other for months/years? Fuck, some people scared of commitment and being boyfriend/girlfriend may stress em out. Boyfriend/girlfriend is just a word, a cliche word. Along with "i love you". That`s fucking cliche too. BAHHH.

Don`t get me wrong, I`m not against having a boyfriend (obviously) or being in a relationship. I just don`t like getting into a relationship when the guy is going to be totally different once I agreed to being his girlfriend. The only reason I did agree is because of what he was before we got together. Get it? I like consistancy. Furthermore, to me relationships are a big thing. I don`t go fucking it up and throwing it away like its nth. Please, feelings are involved. Have some compassion. We`re all human afterall. What goes around, comes around.

Ultimately, 'boyfriend/girlfriend' is just a word. A word in which indirectly means "mine".

"Who is that?"
"Boyfriend."

You know?!??!!? Bahhhhh. Such a messy entry lurhs ): Anyway, words don`t mean half as much as how much I feel towards you. $%&^%^54. I take feelings and how you are towards me the most important. Even if I said yes to being your gf after knowing you for a week, doesn`t mean I`d suddenly be in love with you. That question will never make me change how I feel for you cause I believe in how 2 people feel for one another, behave like a couple then seeing if its 'official'.

#$%D&^%$%&$E$. No sense.Fuck. Damn you _____. You got me thinking cause you`re saying the exact SAME things I heard before to ______. Fuck you, bastard. Stop lying cause you told me all that before and look where you and I are now. You sick sick sick bastard. Damn the ~~Chinese~~ Singaporean chinese mentality. All take love as a game. Ugh. Whatever, damn you ____ and ______. You 2 are fucked up. You 2 disgust me.

Broken hearts aren`t collector`s items.

----

Just ignore the centre portion. "Love" and I have a love-hate relationship. But never at any point am I anti-male. I will just die. Eh shut up Alexcia. I need things to blog about. Blogging about my life is bleak. Suggestions? School tmr, (: I love Wednesdays and Fridays. Gotta find something to do. Youtube-ing the whole time away is shit cause there`s no sound in the sch library.

EH BYE.

The saints are coming.

2007-01-29T18:20:00.000+08:00

I hate winter. Its so damn cold (and getting colder). I heard it dropped to 10 mother degree fucking celcius last night. No surprise there, my kitchen heater control said 11 degrees C. School was cold today as well. I had like 4 layers on and I still felt cold at certain times. Had class photo and individual photo taking. Fuck the individual ones, okay? Its gonna be ugly. School was alright overall, I nearly fell asleep in English. Mr. Haas needs to liven up and wake up his idea. He gave us homework (that bastard) and he`s gonna test us on the Literature terms tmr. #$%^*#. ): On a lighter note, I passed my Geography (((: and I learnt how to do Matrix today in maths. Clap for me. I`m just damn happy I passed Geog. although I could have done better in the SEQ-like questions. But oh well, laziness got the better of me. =x

Mother picked me up from school, thank God we made it back alive. (: Aye, she`ll get there with the driving in no time. So, completed my last question of Matrix, gave up the rest. Got a science report which is due Friday left. Fucking losers make us do shit like that. Pointless. And I`ve got to try and remember the Lit terms. MotherrrrrrrF.

Alright, gonna head for dinner at the ACC now. (: Till then, tmr will be a better (my arse) day.

If you could see me now.

2007-01-28T12:16:00.000+08:00

I jumped out of bed again. Hate dreaming. So tiring. ):

No plans for today, probably just slack at home. Its cold I tell you. Mehh.

Karl`s alright now. Don`t play with me like that.

Apocolypto.

2007-01-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

Caught a movie with the TES people. The movie, "Apocolypto", was soso. Lots of cold-blooded killings and half naked people speaking in some funny language, in some bumfuck jungle. Half the movie was a guy, running around the jungle trying to escape 6(?) or so men. All because he killed the leader`s son. *claps* Now who`s the clever boy. So we all learnt how to survive in a jungle with people chasing you. Really simple; RUN, for about 1 and a half days. =
Dinner at Macs after, walking there was bloody funny. My side was hurting from laughing so hard. It was all good fun lurhs. (: I enjoyed myself, I was happy.

I really believe I`m not allowed happiness. I come home and Karl feels like a loser etc. and he`s making me worry like fuck now. Baby, please. Don`t. I don`t need you to be like that. You`re not that stupid to do such a thing, neither are you that selfish. Return my calls or at least my smses. Ugh. I hate all this. Baby, please. I love you. Stop your games.

Why why why. Just why can`t I be happy like most people. Or is that just medicated happiness? Everyone fakes how they feel, cause they don`t trust others. Dammit. I just want someone I can trust with my thoughts and feelings.

I`m all out of love, I`m so lost without you.

2007-01-27T12:46:00.000+08:00

Am I?

Weather`s getting colder as the days go by. The trees in my garden are getting all bare. The wind is no laughing matter too. The sun`s in hiding hence, we`ve got a cold and gloomy day. It doesn`t help especially when you`ve jumped out of bed at 7:5oam and realising its Saturday, and that the last message you received from your bf was at 1230am. Which leads me to think, what happened to him? Is he alright? Maybe he went out again and didn`t want me to know? Or, he forgot about me. Even though I`m asleep, at least send a msg to let me know you`re alright and what`s happening to you. Even if you`re going out, just let me know. So when I wake up, I know you`re safe. But, it seems too troublesome. So I`ll just wait till you call/reply me. I`ve said I won`t do anything anymore, but I can`t. I care too much. But really, I`m getting tired of worrying and being sad.

I woke up today feeling so fucking dizzy. My world was spinning. I couldn`t walk straight. Its the first time its happened to me but I`m alright now, I think. So yeah. I`ve decided to head out with the TES people cause I need laughter. I need to forget how I really feel. I need to hide myself in laughter. Hoping the dead me will disappear. I may seem happy all the time but its always temporary. Deep down I`m all fucked up inside and only I can help myself. I love my friends who make me laugh, they help me forget at that moment how I truely feel.

Despite everyone around me, I still feel alone. My bestfriend`s in Singapore, busy with school. My boyfriend, well my boyfriend is currently MIA. I can`t tell him how I feel, neither can I cry to him. I don`t know who I can talk to cause I don`t like being a burden to others. They probably have their own problems too. So, ultimately I`m left with keeping it all in. I hate that, seriously. After having stopped bottleing up for so long, I`ve to do it again. I hate all this. I want to crawl under a rock and stay there forever.

I`m happy in the mind, but sad in the heart. Sense? Doubt it.

Huggg. ):

Never alone.

2007-01-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

School went by really quickly. Nothing to say about it really. Oh was reading the story mentioned in Almy`s blog. Sad story but it cheated my feelings. Getting all teary and then when I eagerly clicked for the next chapter, they tell me to buy the remaining 3 chapters online. Anti-climax, spoil my emoness. LOL.

Oh when I reached home, the wind suddenly hit. My gosh so scary please. ): Anyway, went to meet my family at my stepdad`s office then headed for dinner at the Shearwood hotel. Fucking good food. (: Came home arnd 10pm and I`ve got a headache. Its either the wind just now or my brother. I think its my brother yo. Ugh. Painful. ):

Huugggggggg?

Haha, alright I should shut up. Good night. (:

Walls close in.

2007-01-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

I didn`t go to school today. (: Managed to get out of it. Slept till around 11am. Damn kids. Anyway, was suppose to head out with ah yao but it didn`t follow through. So, Mac`s around 3 plus for whatever its called. Came back and played bball with the kids then my mother decided to take a walk. Heh. Walked to the back of our house and we climbed to the top of the mountain thingy (cause we`re in a valley). My gosh, it was like hiking. Could see Taipei 101 from the road up there. Pretty view. (: Walked quite a bit and finally managed to reach home.

Bummed around the house then had dinner. Oh, the kids and I are playing Pokemon on the gameboy. Its quite fun really, having kept it away for years. (: Obviously my gameboy`s like ancient lurh. There`s is the new DS. Lucky children. Whatever, I love mine yo. ((:

Got school tmr, loads of free time. Youtube it away I guess, or Solitaire. =\ Suggestions?

---

I`m feeling rather down now, but I really don`t know why. It just happened to me but I can`t remember what caused it. Bahh. Sucks you know? ): Whatever, I`ll be fine soon. Self-centered people are a total turn off.

My brother doesn`t listen.

I miss Singapore. I miss home.

I miss you.

I need an escape.

I need a hug, attention and laughter. ):

If only you`d see.

2007-01-24T20:10:00.000+08:00

Its sad to see some stuck in their own little world and block out reality. Its worse when they`re so sheltered, spoilt and yet they have this false impression that they know it all. Just because they`ve travelled... to almost all the hot shopping/tourist spots. I sometimes wished these people would face reality and live. If only they`d see what life is really about and that it isn`t always fine and smooth-sailing.

I despise those spoilt children who don`t know how to appreciate things and take things for granted. They should be put out in the real world and fend for themselves. I`m saying all this maybe because I`m envious. Envious of the fact that there are people out there who simple take everything for granted and not know how to show respect.

Technically, the catalyst for this entry is so&so. It sucks so bad that so&so still gets to me. Wake up and smell the flowers, bitch. No one will love you cause you`re just fucked up. Simple.

Tmr`s timetable is shit. I think I`ve said it one too many times.

Shooting stupid people should be made legal.

2007-01-24T16:20:00.000+08:00

Half the population would be gone by then.

Right, school was great today. (: I love wednesdays and fridays. Was late for school though. Whatever. Science was a bore. Then it was study time, chinese, lunch and study time again. Technically, I only had one lesson today; science. Chinese was nothing. Their comprehension is damn cool. 3 sentences make up the passage, and the questions are like 'what was so&so going to buy" etc. Simple lurh. I can finally pass my chinese. (((:

Stonned pretty much the day away. I like. Weather`s really really cold and there`s wind. Nearly died watching them play soccer. I thought I was going to freeze to death there. Couldn`t feel my hands and feet at one point. Brrr. Well, I enjoyed today. It was all good. Tmr`s gonna be shit. Got English again, hopefully they go through the mocks so I can disappear to the library again. Yay.

Oh, I thought I escaped from stupid people and their stupid questions. Guess what, one`s back. Joy. -.- I`ve hated him from years ago, he was so stupid and still is please. He thinks I`m his 'mei' and that`s so disgusting. His name is Alan. I`ve blogged about him years ago too. He`s just fucking fucking stupid okay. Period. Oh wait, another just started. pffft.

First dipshit.

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
ur result coming out soon

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
ya

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
got confident

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
intend to go which jc

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
none

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
then u intend to go poly

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
or work

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
im in an international sch already

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
icic

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
intenational sch study wat language
(omfg, did you just ask that?!)

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
english?

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
icic

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
mei ur english very poor meh
('mei' your backside. fuck you)

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
tt time chat with u

Alan 89 DK warrior says:
not bad ma

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
...

- I was lost for words, seriously. He`s abt 20 now? Older maybe? But still. This only shows how sheltered Singaporeans are. To them, if you`re Singaporean, you study in Singapore. Should you go overseas, they think you don`t study anymore. Singaporeans + foreign schools just don`t go together for em. Sad but true.

Second dipshit and its not his 1st appearance.

Nando says:
baby....
(oh Lord, take him please)

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
hey
(would you like to go away?)

Nando says:
got miss me?

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
uhhh
(do i really need to state the obvious, fuckwit?)

Nando says:
sobsob....

♥ ALEXCIA PETERSON. says:
heh
(ya cry me a river and drown in it please)

-He`s probably the most ignorant piece of shit ever. He`s soooo stupid. He knows I`ve got a bf but nooooo, look at him! Sheeshs. I haven`t dissed him in a while though. I shall start soon, I`m bored. (:

ps/ don`t fucking ask me to block them. even though they`re fucking dim. i still (somewhat) respect their feelings.

OKAY. I don`t remember what else I wanted to say so bye for now (:

Is it any wonder.

2007-01-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

As the days go by, school`s getting better. Or maybe I`m just getting used to the shitiness of it all? Its most probably the latter. Hmmm. Well, I managed to not do pe in the end however still had to do the warm ups. It was maths after and I practically stonned through out the lesson. Mehh. Followed by Science, )): Man was it shit. Biology. All Ms Tsai was going on about was brain, spinal cord, axon, neurone, axon, brain, axon, spinal cord etc etc. OMG. It was like a broken record. Ughhhs. Well, it was English at the end and as you know, I got to go to the library. ((: Was practically on the computer through out. However they blocked friendster and stuff like that. MSN too! So I had to email people. Lol.

Ah yao`s oh so very kind mother dropped me near my place today and it saved so much time and energy. Many many thanks ((: Headed to Costco with the family and I got more coloured pens. (no idea what the hell i`m gonna write but wth). Came back then had dinner. I`m tired, my eye lids are so heavy. I think its my contacts. Mmmm.

Well, tmr onwards the timetable`s good shit. I like plenty. Ho ho ho. Got 2 study times tmr. YAY. Gotta find something interesting to do though. We`ll see. Oh, I still haven`t posted the pictures. Oh well, keep waiting.

---

Right, it just hit me that I`m turning 17 in March. 17 already. Time`s going by too fast. I`m not done enjoying teen life. Turning 17 means I`ve only left with approx. 2 yrs of teen life left. That`s not enough. )): It scares me to get older. I guess there`s its pros and cons, yeah? I`m looking forward to being 17, yet dreading it at the same time. Pffft. Man, we`re ageing. ): With age comes responsibility. I want to be a kid. I want to run around and enjoy life, having no worries. Oh well. About a month or so till I`m 17. Till that day comes. I love being 16.

---

Alrights, he`s at work till 1+ I guess. Don`t knw if I can stay awake till he`s done. =\ We`ll see. I miss/love you plenty.

"Computers are for research and assignments only.....

2007-01-23T14:02:00.000+08:00

...NO GAMES & NO CHAT"

They have those signs behind my screen. I`m in the library, shit bored. Was allowed here cause Eng would be of no use since I didnt do the mocks. (: I`m seriously bored stiff. Yao ah yao`s in his class. Pffft. 50mins left of school, shall go read a lil of "The Lost Boy".

Bahhhhhh.

Gone so young.

2007-01-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

You know he was out last night right? Well he went home in the end so we could talk. Sweet anotttt, sweet anooottttt!? Anyway, all`s good. I didn`t expect him to do such things. *melts* Love you plenty lurhs. Be good.

---

GIINNNAAA! HELLO! ((: Taiwan`s alright lurhs. I`m surviving day by day. Got past a week of school already, tonnes more to go. Heh =\ Right anyway, living here isn`t that tough. The people do speak english but the hand gestures + simple words get you only so far. Then again its still better than nth. Most of em speak Mandarin so tts good for me (though my chinese sucks). The elders speak more of the dialects. I only know how to curse in dialects but I doubt tt`ll be of any help HAH! Mmmm, the shopping here is good. I`ve only been to the night market and Taka so far. I loveeeeeee the night market cause things there are like dirt cheap. My favourite. ((: Taka's the same, overpriced. I love budget shopping eh. Lol.
And my friends, greaattt bunch of people. (: Love em to bits despite knowing them for such a short period of time. But of course you still have one or two people arnd school who you don`t really fancy, ya know? Normal lurhs. Haha. School`s great so far, less stress. (:

SO! How`ve you been? Is life treating you alright? Haha. Sorry I wasn`t at the computer when you were online. Next time yeah (: Alrights, have a good day at work and talk to you real soon. Take care and lotsa love!

---

Lastly, I`m not doing PE tmr. I`m not. Please don`t make me. *I`m sick, cough*. Ho ho ho. Mr. Edwards I know you`re nice. (: The Lord will bless you etc etc.

Sex in the City, season 2 is on now. GOOD NIGHT!

Sleeping awake.

2007-01-22T15:59:00.000+08:00

Woah, school sucked bad. As in the lessons. I fell asleep in english and when I woke up I had like pressure marks on my cheek so it was red. ): Whatever, the nap was good shit. Nothing interesting happened after. I`m home now and watching Sex in the City. Left with 2 episodes and I`m done with the 1st season.

I`ve got chinese hw. Seriously. Fucking stupid. Prepare for chinese orals, which I`m NOT taking. Fucked up.

Okayyyyyyyy. I wanna go talk to Karl if its possible.

BYEE.

ps/ the pics will be up, soon?

What hurts the most.

2007-01-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

See me through, see me through
This aching heart has come so far
To be with you, see me through
With angel eyes, just look inside
At all thisl ove I never want to lose
See me through

Gone, Alexcia isn`t here.

It`ll never go away.

2007-01-22T01:45:00.000+08:00

I usually sleep before midnight on school days, but tonight I thought I`d stay up till he`s done with work. With hopes that I`ll get to talk to him. Its already 1:45am and...

(everyone laugh at me)

He`s going out.

Mmmm. You know I`m lost for words. I`ve nothing left to say, I don`t know how to feel. The last time, I hadn`t gotten over it yet and now I get this. Woah, I must be cursed. Fuck. Why bother you know? Why am I putting myself through all this.

I hate myself, I really truely do.

thankyouverymuch. goodnight.

Hey oh.

2007-01-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

Saturday, the kids arrived in the afternoon arnd 3-ish, hung around for a while then went out to meet Amy, Aaron and ~~Howen~~ Ah yao. Walked around Shilin then Amy left. So we cabbed to Tian Mu where Aaron got his hair cut. Looking good. (: Had dinner after then back to ~~Howen`s~~ Ah yao`s place to kill time. There`s a house with only a roof when you look out his bedroom window. Funny shit I tell you. Okay no, for those who are slow. Its a normal house really, its just on lower ground and you only see the roof. Cute luh. Reached home before 10pm and mother dearest was happy. (:

Today, woke up around 10-ish? Had a fucking good shower. Body scrub, body mask, the works lurh. Happy and super smoothe me. LOL! Had brunch then was online till late afternoon. Took a drive up the mountain but it was raining and bloody foggy. Will post pics asap (I guess). Headed to Taka to get shoes and tops but only the kids got some. Taka`s too expensive for me please. Like ~~Howen~~ Ah yao said, 'Singaporeans all budget'. HAHA. Came home for dinner and then here I am.

School tmr and the timetable`s shit (but sure as hell better than fucked up SAC`s). School`s good actually, its growing on me and so are the people. (: It isn`t that bad afterall. I will survive. HAH!

Karl, Karl, Karl. I don`t know what to say to you anymore. You`re always at work and even if you`re not we still hardly talk. What`s happening to us? We`ll be alright, right? Time will tell, baby. Time will tell. I love you.

Alrighty, shall go talk to people online now! Till next time...

GOOD NIGHT!

Fantastic 4

2007-01-19T16:53:00.000+08:00

I`ve been trying to watch my Fantastic 4 DVD for like the past week. We all know I`ve been falling asleep even before I can press play on the main menu thingythingy. Anyway, I`m watching it now. (: Like finally.

Was late for school today, only reached at 810am. Couldn`t help it, the woman was telling me there was no cabs cause its raining? Yeah, I don`t get it. Whatever. Science was spent watching them play Big 2 and Bluff/Bullshit. Didn`t play cause I totally suck in both games. Then it was IT. Didn`t go so ended up in the library. (: Afterwhich was maths. I passed the paper I took. Not very good, plenty of careless mistakes too. 37/70. Not too disappointed with myself cause I didn`t touch and books for 2mnths. Last periods were study time so once again in the library. Learnt to fold a boat. Yeah, I was tt bored. (and thanks Barry for getting me the paper. lol)

Came home and watched Fantastic 4. It just ended so I`m bored. ACC at 630pm to meet my mother`s cousin. I wanna go rent DVDs. Please.

Karl`s still not feeling well. He`s probably slept the whole day or is ignoring me. I`ve to settle my Starhub bill. Dammit. Gonna be broke. Right then. I`m off.

LOVES!

The heart`s an empty space.

2007-01-18T18:37:00.000+08:00

School wasn`t that bad, it went by relatively quickly. (: For science we got to watch videos on genes and shit. English, Mr Haas had to do orals so we were left alone. Stoned most of the lesson away and listene to Tian and her stories occationally. Funny girl. PSHE was alright. Mr Edwards` nice. (: Down to earth person, you know? Then had lunch and off for the Geog paper at 1pm. Yes, I had to do a Geog test. Jerine! You`d probably get full marks. Lol. Finished the paper 20mins before school ended. Didn`t feel like going for Geog so went and stoned at the 4th floor till school was over. Came home and that`s about it. Simple day.

The weather`s annoying me. It rains and rains. I didn`t know clouds here could hold so much moisture. Why doesn`t it move away? Oh wait, distance from sea. Rightyyyyy.

Oh, the boyfriend`s alright now. He`s back at work. He said he`d sms me when he reaches work but he didn`t. ): Maybe its because I said he was full of shit before hanging up on him. BUT STILL! I didn`t want him to hang up cause we were talking normally, which we haven`t in a long while. *pouts* We were actually laughing (ok he was laughing at me). Oh well, I fucked it up. Stuuuuupid. Ooohhh, he gets all petty with me when I tease him about me being his prettiest gf. He thinks I`m acting big and egoistic and gets angry. Wth. I was just teasing? C`mon, every gf would wanna be the prettiest one her bf`s had, correct? Or is it just me. Ugh it pisses me off that he still gives a fuck about his ex(s). Sheeshs. I`m being unreasonable? Sorry Karl, I don`t share.

WHATEVER. I shall not give a damn. If you think one of your ex(s) is prettier, so be it. Doesn`t phase me cause I`ve got you, & they don`t. That`s what matters.

Gonna go out for dinner now. ACC againnnn. bahhh.

BYEEE.

My apologies.

2007-01-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

BARRY! I`M STILL SO SORRY ABOUT IT. >.<

no hard feelings, eh. (:

I don`t know what to put so whatever.

2007-01-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

Wazzup ma (insert watever name)zzz!!

Okay anyway, Barry`s right. I`ve been sounding angry in my entries. Ho ho ho. PMS week lurhs, gotta understandddd. (: I`m back to normal now (depends what you think normal is).

You know, I come home from school dead tired. As in "I`m-going-to-sleep-any-moment" tired. Its making me more tired trying to stay awake, hence I get even more tired. Sense? Nvm. I lie on my bed and I fall asleep like right away, which I never do often. What`s up with school man? I don`t even do any damn thing cept rot around the 4th level. Pffft. Imagine when lesson proper starts?! Okay no need to imagine, just wait for tmr`s update cause lessons start tmr. Bummer ):

I hate being so tired cause I wanna watch my Fantastic 4 DVD but whenever I put it on, I fall asleep before I hit the 'play movie' option on the main menu. HOW FRUSTRATING! Its happened twice already.

School tmr, its all back to normal. I`m going to die halfway. I quite like school. The people are nice. Maybe cause people in Singapore are just so rude. Haha.

Oh, Karl`s sick and can`t move. But genius doesn`t want to see a doctor. Baby go see a doctor, don`t need to act all macho cause lying in bed like a vegetable isn`t cool or macho. Nopes, not one bit. The doctor isn`t gonna hurt you, I promise. (: Take care lurh. 18 already and still like a baby. Wait, all boys are like tt. They and their secret side. hurrhurr!

Right, my eyes hurt. BYE.

2007-01-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

Maths was alright I suppose. Fuck add. maths though. That`s all we did today. Got a video for you guys today. (: No names mentioned and ____ you know we love you lah, don`t go bitching about us eh.

Hey, you looked good with it actually.

I`m rather annoyed.

2007-01-16T16:52:00.000+08:00

School`s been relatively alright. Slacking most of the time but everyday I meet new people. That`s good. (: Hanging out mostly with Howen (sorry eh) cause he`s another Singaporean. =\ People think I`m his sister. Don`t ask. Whatever.

Anyway, I`ve got retards on my MSN please. One doesn`t get what I`m saying and is totally fucked in the head. I`m not gonna go into details cause I`m tired. The other thinks my friendster and MSN display pics aren`t me. That I took it from somewhere cause the pics are too pretty and the pic quality is good. CB MOFO. MY CAMERA GOOD OKAY. Pffft.

I pity Karl, whoever asks for my number online. Gets his instead. Ho ho ho. I don`t like fuckers on my hp. (: MSN`s alright though. Oh lookie! Another fucker online. Roar.

I`VE GOT TO SIT A DAMN MATHS PAPER TMR. OH, they`re maths is like divided into four bloody parts pls. Waste time. Lol. Doind paper 2 tmr, that`s like our paper 1. Furthermore, they all get to use calculators for all papers. Cheaters. Wish me luck! Gotta skim thru my maths formulas.

HOWEN! STUDY. LOL.

Man, I feel like a woman..

2007-01-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

I slept Saturday away cause I slept till 5-ish almost 6 pm. Didn`t sleep till Sunday 6pm cause I spent the time online chatting. No kidding, 17+ hrs online, chatting. *jaw drops* So I fell asleep around 6pm and woke arnd 11+pm. Here I am now. I`ve school tmr and tt means I gotta be up by 6:45am, latest. People, help. ):

Anyway, I`m in pain. My period is here and my side is hurting. I`ve never gotten cramps before till now (maybe cause I was too fat to feel it before, and it hurts only a lil cause I haven`t lost enough weight. LOL). Sucks luh. I used to be so proud abt not having cramps. Should have shut up about it. !$#%)^%^. I feel like a woman now. *flicks hair* HAHAHA.

Ooogayy. School tmr again, 8am - 2:50pm (but we have 2 breaks). I didn`t do the maths paper cause its past yr O level papers AND i think I`ve done enough already in Singapore. Damn FYS. Give me a break please. At least till Os results are out. Bet Howen did his maths. Fuck.

Karl`s not going home. -.- He`s sleeping at his workplace. Everyone, together: "wtfzxzxz?!".

OKAY BYE.

False pretense.

2007-01-13T21:43:00.000+08:00

I had a entry typed out but it never published. Oh well.

Last night wasn`t suppose to happen the way it did. He said he`d call back so I waited. A lil more than an hr later, no calls. So I gave him a call and all I got was the tone of how he speaks to a friend. Not a good or close friend, just a mere - friend. Pushed that aside cause its something trivial. Then I asked him what he said an hr ago, I asked a few times after which I got an indifferent response:

"I don`t remember.".

Mmmm, don`t know why but I just cried hard. To the point of being breathless at some time, I wished I actually stopped breathing. Heh. And after that I get an sms saying something like "baby i love you and i`m high...". Ummm "love you" and "I`m high" don`t go together. Anyway, I hated the fact I was actually crying my heart out and not just tearing. I hate crying. Trying to hold back tears only made it worse. I think my heart stopped and broke into a million pieces when he said he forgot. I hate it even more when people promise me things and not keep to it. Because promises are one thing I remember and expect you to keep. Its a promise afterall. Don`t use words you don`t understand. It doesn`t help when the person asks you to forget what was promised and said. Is that possible? In that case, promises lose their meaning. Oh well.

Cried everything out last night, all emotions and probably the million pieces of my heart. I feel nothing, at the moment. I`m still Alexcia, just a lil broken and worn out. I`ll be fine in time to come, I`ll get back on my own two feet by myself. Like I always do. I don`t need anyone for support but then again, no man can live as an island. Contradicted. If not for those I spoke to online last night, I don`t think I`d be how I am now. So a big thanks to you two. (:

Well, Karl told me what bugged him. I know there`s more but he doesn`t wanna say. Love, when you don`t say anything it leaves me with the impression that you don`t give a damn. Tell me alright? We need no communicate more than ever at this point. I miss you a whole lot and I love you truckloads. I hope you`ll understand that someday.

Though things are settled, I`m keeping my distance and my guard is up. Enough of heartaches for now. I know its tough for you to juggle work, family and a relationship. But really, you need to prioritize. Please baby, do your Os first. That`s the most important and you know it. Well, I`ve done my part, I`m not going to do anything for now. Its up to you now, love. I`m running on empty already.

Things will get better.
3 more days to the 3rd.
14 months left to go.

Is this how a toy feels when its battries run dry?

Failed.

2007-01-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

I failed, I called twice instead.

*

1st call,
no answer.

2nd call,
"hey bie, I`ll call you back.........".

*

Alexcia, Alexcia. How many times will it take you to learn. How many times must you do this to yourself. How much hope can one have. How much can you take till you break?

It`ll take me forever to learn, I will do this to myself countless times, never-ending amounts of hope and I will not break.

...because I love you and you mean that much to me.

But please don`t take it all for granted. Cause we all know as much as I don`t want to break. I eventually will. This doesn`t make me feel any better. I hate love. (I think) I know its love cause its eating me up inside, slowly.

I will pull through, I must.

Hands off.

2007-01-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

What`s mine, is mine and will remain mine till I say so. That means you need to back off and mind your own fucking business. I don`t give a flying fuck where the hell you came from, what you are to ____, how smart/pretty you are or how nice you can be. You`re getting in my space and its aggitating me. How about you fuck off for a while till I`m satisfied?

I also don`t give a fuck what you are to ____ or what ____ is to you. Right now, you will disappear and be nothing to ____. I don`t buy childish stories about friendship and you`re jolly well smart enough to know what you`re doing is wrong. Please, go away. You`ve had your share. You have your own so leave mine alone.

I hate you to the core cause you`re ugly yet still better than me. And that sucks. You piss me off totally. Congrats, you`re on the same level as the disgusting pest(s) mentioned in a few entries back. I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU. Knowing that you`re so near makes my blood boil. You know ___ is weak in those areas. Don`t play games cause I will get back at you for it whether it was intentional or not.

Save yourself and fuck off. I really hate people who can`t keep their dirty paws to themselves. Fucking ugly dinosaur looking bitchshit. Just go away. LEAVE WHATS MINE ALONE.

You know what! You`re fucking up my days. I`m actually letting you affect me which is stupid. You`re getting me all paranoid and such. Fuck it. What goes around comes around. I hate you still, BITCH.

---

He`s going out with his friends today. He said maybe but we all know he is. His phone batt is dying too, I think its dead now cause he hasn`t replied. ): And just when I really needed to hear his voice, I can`t. I swear I feel like shit and I want to die. Not give up, die. I already gave up. I just wanted to hear his comforting voice as stupid as it may sound. He always manages to comfort me even though we`re miles away. I guess I`m on my own again. Then again, I can`t cry to him either cause he said not to cry infront of him. Where do I go then? Bestie`s asleep already. And I don`t know what`s bugging me. I`m going through my low points again. I hate it lots. I want him. But I can`t. Just not my luck. I should stop trying to talk to people or cry to them. They hear but they don`t listen. I miss you, I really do. I want to talk to you badly but I told myself not to say anything cause we`d end up arguing and me spoiling your night. I`m only going to call you once cause I`ve given up trying so hard and ending up hurting myself. Its true, no expectations no disappoinments. I want to cry. This isn`t me.

---

Lord, why ?

The sun still shines.

2007-01-12T16:19:00.000+08:00

Alright as you know today was my first day of school. I can say I enjoyed myself. Mainly because I didn`t do anything. (: Managed to make new friends too. Howen, from Singapore too. Same situation as I am in with school now. So we`re technically wasting the 6mnths together. Aaron introduced himself to me then introduced everyone else. Nice guy, very. Another Singaporean too. Cheery guy. Made friends through maths class. (: Amy and Tian are such bubbley and animated people. Chatty pls.

Well, that`s about it. I like it there. (: At least there`s Howen provided he doesn`t disappear with ugly Berry. LOL.

BYEEE

1st Day.

2007-01-12T09:43:00.000+08:00

Okay I`m in the library now. Made a new friend, Maggie(?). Nice girl. (: Dont think im allowed to blog so ya. Im alive in school. Pray for me.

BYE

I`ll just keep it shut.

2007-01-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

I laugh.
I feel nothing inside.
Its all fake, again.

I give up.
thankyouverymuch for your time.

Nando fucker.

2007-01-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

I`m nice because I bother to talk to fuckwits on online. Community service.

Eg 1:

Nando says:
what's ur plan in spore?

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
no idea

Nando says:
or let me plan for u...

Nando says:
haha...

Nando says:
then all nite n day will be by my side....

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
kekex.

Two words: FUCK YOU.

Eg 2:

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
kekex. its winter. -.-
(stupid fucker)

Nando says:
yah....wish i'm there to give u warmth....
(fucking dirtbag)

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
i got blanket.
(meaning fuck off)

Nando says:
i can be your blanket n keep u warmth...
(how about you die?)

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
i got a normal blanket.
(really, fuck off)

Nando says:
it's dark.....

Nando says:
then u wanna special blanket....?
(oh gosh.. -.-)

Nando says:
keke

Nando says:
or nottie blanket?
(trying to be funny? perv)

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
ihave a normal blanket already.
(pls. die.)

Eg 3:

Nando says:
sigh....i thought u calling me....
(who in the right mind would?)

Nando says:
sad...sad....
(suicide, buddy)

Nando says:
flirting with other guy in front of me...
(HAHA my bf. and u think i care abt u?)

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
i dont even hav ur no.
(pls dont give)

Nando says:
u never bother to ask also...sigh
(I don`t want it)

♥ I`m not writing my goodbyes ---x [ 22™ ] © says:
awww
(dead yet?)

So you see, my life is like that. I face that almost everyday. I don`t block him cause I can take the piss out of him and he doesn`t know ((:

BYE.

Sorrow drips.

2007-01-07T16:59:00.000+08:00

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.
You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.
You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

Mmm I was bored. Anyway, my sleep pattern is fucked. I hope it goes back to normal when I`m back in Sg. I haven`t been doing anything much in the past few days, only went to Costco yesterday and got a whole marker set, 60 pieces. (((: My sister`s got the normal markers but there`s like... too many of them.

Weather was really cold last night, 12 degrees. And once again the wind just couldn`t get stronger. Today isn`t much better either. Trying to work my heater my its not working properly. Damn control`s in chinese and my mother`s getting angry with me cause she thinks I`m lying about what the buttons say. Wtf. "If you can figure out the control maybe it`ll work." Pls,I think I know what the control does. Timer isn`t going to make it warmer. Geez. Why not you go learn chinese since you`ve got nothing better to do instead of picking on me and criticizing me. I don`t need to be here, you know?

Whatever. Kolin/Colin is our prev. rented house agent. He`s a mother fucking (probably literally) pussy. He`s fucking ugly and should also be shot.

One more thing, if I was a fling to you. You wouldn`t have said all those to me (: You were a past time anyway. Thanks (:

I stumbled across you online..

2007-01-06T02:58:00.000+08:00

and it led me to think; what a stupid girl I was to waste so much time on you. I did have something for now but looking back I regret. Big time. And now? Seeing the presence of you pisses me off. Whenever I see something that has to do with you, thoughts of beating you are so clear. No, I`m not going to bash you up or whatever. A single hit will do, to vent you know? I get so angry knowing you`re still alive and what a motherfucker you are, still are I mean. Ugh.

You are like worst than pond scum. So filthy and disgusting that even bacteria stay away from you. Your character revolts me. Your ego is too big. Your self-esteem is too high. You should be shot for the sake of mankind.

Oh, your English is atrocious and to think that`s your supposed best subject. Oh please. Give me break. My toes are going to die of laughter. Your humour is so lame, to the point of being stupid and embarrassing. You don`t know how many times I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me when you tried to be amusing while we were in public. Oh gosh, tarnished my own reputation by being seen in public with an imbecile. How silly of me. Then again they could always think I voluteered with Chao Yang Special School. CIP, you know? I guess it isn`t that bad afterall. (:

Thing is, I can`t get over the fact that you try to seem that you speak really good English. When in fact, it is so 'chinky'. Disgusting (in your case). I wish you`d go brush up on your English then speak/type.

Moving along, you`re way too coddled anyway. Oh yes, you think that whatever you say is correct. You speak as though people around you are dim-witted when its you who is dim-witted. Your views/goals in life are hilarious. C`mon, you`re still young and haven`t experienced the world. Don`t pass judgements so soon, Professor Fuckwit. You think you`re matured by thinking the way you do, you think that`ll impress others especially the adults. Wrong, my fool. They just think you`re fucked up there. You complain too much, comment too much and expect everyone to agree to what you say. You never listen and have no respect for others. Your family should up and leave you behind. No one needs a burned like you. (: Thank God I got rid of you, seriously. Hmmm, you also like to contradict yourself. Oh yes, try to humble yourself yet you want to show off. Dude, we can only do one. Stupid is an understatement for you.

You`re just a childish fuckwit who thinks too highly of himself and has way way way too much confidence in himself. Please, you`re absolutely nothing. You`re spoilt rotten and needs to be snapped back into reality. Wake up, child. You know nothing other than your material possessions. You do not know love (neither can I say I do too) but at least I have felt love. Nothing to do with material needs. You are stuck in your own little fucked up world and your expectation of things are over the edge. You`re definitely not practical and is narrow-minded. I hate you to the core, I hate the person that you are. People like you should not exist. No, you shouldn`t exist.

I honestly regret knowing you. Then again, I take that back. If not for you I wouldn`t know how ugly some people can get and how much a fucker one single person can be. Spare the girls and leave them be. No one needs a burden like you, remember? No one wants to date some pussy. Sad to say, I was stupid enough to waste a number of months on you. But as we all know, people make mistakes (your mother sure made a huge mistake). I actually shouldn`t regret knowing you or wasting my life with/on you. I learnt how to tell what a fuckwit is like and to avoid them, I also learnt how to deal and dispose of them. I hope you fail in life and I`m not sorry for saying so.

You bloody mofo. Thanks for teaching me what not to be and what kind of person not to choose. Rot in hell, bastard. Your prayers aren`t going to save you either. I hope you end up with some flirtatious girl who will wreck your heart in a gazillion pieces so you turn gay. After which I hope you get fucked so hard up the arse you wished you`d died at that moment, and if that`s not enough. I hope you end up with an STD(s). Whether you fucked a girl or guy with or without a condom.

Now I feel much better. Been keeping all that in for quite a while. (: No names mentioned, let`s not presume cause you don`t know my life and who I`ve actually been with. Oh wait, some just might think its them cause their guilty conscience is getting the better of them. Ho ho ho.

I`m a happy girl now.

But before I end off, I hope Kolin/Colin dies. Another day, another entry for another fuckwit in my daily life. (:

GOOD NIGHT.
I LOVE KARL.

Because I love you.

2007-01-04T03:49:00.000+08:00

Even though you piss the living daylights out of me. I can never stay angry at you for long. As hard as I try, I can never. You just know how to melt my heart, over and over again. You`re silly faces always make me smile, not to mention your pathetic face look too. When I`m with you I`m always all smiles (though i have the occational tears). (: You`re just so wonderful to me. I love you plenty no mattter what.

No matter what you do, I can`t love you any less. Even though we don`t talk much cause you`re tired from work, I understand. I know I get petty/sarcastic when you don`t pay enough attention to me and I`m really sorry, love. But being such a darling that you are, you always give in to me. You always tolerate my nonsense and are ever so patient with me. (:

Baby, I`m sorry I was so mean to you just now. I`m sorry for shouting at you too. I love you truckloads.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for making me laugh.
Thank you for coming to my place after work everyday.
Thank you for spending all your time with me when I was in Sg.
Thank you for the fun times we`ve had.
Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for letting me put mascara on you during my mum`s wedding.
Thank you for letting me annoy the shit out of you.
Thank you for letting me tickle you even though you hate it.
Thank you for letting me hit you when you fall asleep.
Thank you for tolerating me when I ignore you.
Thank you for not getting angry when I want to pinch you where the sun don`t shine.
Thank you for never shouting at me.
Thank you for being ever so understanding.
Thank you for all the love you shower me with.
Thank you for letting me love you.
Thank you for wanting to be faithful.

& Thank you for being mine.

Though we may have our disagreements, you know we`ll always pull through cause I can`t stay angry at you for long. (:

I LOVE YOU (MY) KARL ANTHONY FERNANDEZ.

Incline.

2007-01-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

I typed a whole entry and my internet refreshed. FUCK.

Whatever, gist of it:

I`m still pissed at Karl.
I`m crabby.
And you`re still a fucking bitch.

Fool for you.

2007-01-03T08:22:00.000+08:00

Good morning readers.

I haven`t slept since yesterday. I actually waited for 6am so I could call him cause he said he`s call me at 6am but my phone`s off. So I thought I`d call him instead. Turns out he was still out. Its alright, hung up and chatted more with Harley. 7+am, I called again. He was on his way home. I thought to myself: "finally. I can talk to him..". Wrong. He got on the bus and was dozing off. Tell me, what conversation can we have? So I just hung up. I know what he`ll say should he decide to answer my calls. He`ll tell me that I should understand, he`s tired cause he had to work. Alright, no problem darling.

The short time I did speak to him earlier, we argued. I couldn`t take it when he told me he was going to The Balcony. Its not that I don`t allow him to go out. Its just I can`t talk to him cause he doesn`t like talking on the phone when he`s out. Oh well. He asked for a chance to prove himslf. He promised to call me when he gets home, I said no cause I`d be asleep. He said he`s call me at around noon, he promised. I said he`ll fall asleep he denied. Saying he`ll wait for me to wake up. Fuck, and I believed. Haha shoot me.

I`ve been trying to call him since 7+, a few mins after I hung up on him. Its 0830am now. I feel so stupid. I feel so so stupid.

Why do I believe? Why. Why do I actually wait for his calls? Why do I allow him to put his friends first. He told me he wants to enjoy after work, okay I understand. He said he wanted to talk to me too. But how? He`s always out and when he does get home he`s dead tired. We all know he doesn`t like talking while out with friends and you can`t have a conversation with someone falling asleep. Sweet. I`m nothing to him. I`m suppose to believe that he loves me. Ha Ha Ha.

Alexcia, stop being foolish. He doesn`t give a shit. He only likes to think he does.

FUCK LAH KARL WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT? WHY CAN`T I JUST BE COLD HEARTED AND STOP CALLING YOU? WHY CAN`T I NOT CARE ABOUT YOU? WHY THE FUCK DO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Whatever, history repeats itsself.

You fucking bitchshit.

2007-01-03T06:23:00.000+08:00

I thought that was all? But guess what, I`ve got more shit on you. What a fucking lying piece of shit you are. Dissing so many people behind their backs? Dissing those who actually gave a damn about you, those who really cared. And you turn around and say no one cares? Everyone`s mean to poor lil you. Oh ma gah. You lied so fucking much its disgusting. You`re simply disgusting. I never knew people could get so fucked up. Lying and such. Please, did you really think you`d get away with it all? Never lie cause it eventually comes up.

AND ALTHOUGH THIS IS OLD SHIT. BUT WHAT`S WITH CALLING THOSE WITH TAMAGOTCHIS CHLDISH AND LAME? ASKING US TO GROW UP? WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM. YOU PLAYED WITH EM TOO, BITCH. SINCE I HAD ONE, YOU`RE INDIRECTLY CALLING ME CHILDISH AND LAME AND I NEED TO GROW UP. WELL, AT LEAST I DONT NEED TO LIE ABOUT HALF THE THINGS I DO. YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH OKAY. YOU`RE IN BIG SHIT. I HOPE YOU CAN EXPLAIN YOURSELF. WHAT MORE, TAKING CREDIT FOR THINGS YOU DIDNT SAY? OH PLEASE. UGLY BITCH. YOU KNOW I`M TALKING ABOUT YOU.

WHATEVER THE CASE, YOU FUCKED UP REAL BAD. I HOPE YOU`RE READY FOR REALITY.

LASTLY,

FUCK YOU!

Because you`re just so sexy.

2007-01-02T21:25:00.000+08:00

I`ve decided to stop procrastinating and update. Also so Almy can stop refreshing my blog and be disheartened that the entry hasn`t changed. Well my darling! Here is it. (: You can stop refreshing already. Lol.

---

To whoever it may concern,

I`m feeling much better now and I think I`m more capable of dissing you. Yes, very bitchy of me but I don`t do such things for a reason. You`re very mean to my darlings and treat them like your dogs. That`s not very nice, you know. What gives you the right to be so mean, using them and such? Who died and made you Queen. Oh please. You might come back at me saying its none of my business. You`re right, but come on? Who else will tell you off. I`m not close to you. I never liked you. Its doesn`t matter what I say to you cause I don`t give a flying fuck what you think. (:

You think you`re so smart. Oh my, can you hear my toes laughing? You seriously think everyone around you is stupid? Well at least we know they can handle their own money. (: Furthermore, you can be so rude! Fickle-minded might I add. Why are you so hard-up for cash? Gees. At least I`d understand if you actually did buy nice clothes. But no! Look at your clothes, my grandmother dresses better. For real. Please, do society a favour and remain in your ~~bathroom~~ house.

OH! And the photos. Those were the best. It really cracked me up. And from what I heard, you hide in your bathroom and go all narcissistic. Now I know who to call should I want to play dress-up with. (: Hey, would you like a Barbie? Her clothes are cheaper and you can get them at all Toys 'r' Us. What more, Toys 'r' Us can be found in Singapore! No need the internet anymore.

You`re just so annoying. Hearing things about you annoys me. You need a reality check. Oh yeah, before I forget: I didn`t know you were 2 people. Schizophrenia? Poor you. Anyway, I wish you`d just be nicer and not treat your "friends" like shit. They have feelings and it pisses me off to know you treat them as though they owe you a living. You expect things to happen whenever you say, and when things don`t go your way you think they`re not "friend material". What are friends for? Haha. Be nice, they`re starting to hate you. Then again, did they really like you in the first place? You`re overconfident after you 'changed'. Thing is, you`re still the same person with just a better figure. (note: your head`s too big though.) You`ve got shit for brains. I dislike you plenty.

Girl, wake up. You`re nothing when you fake it all. Stop trying to be what you`re not cause we all know you`re a loser. And the best part is that we accept that you`re a loser. We won`t mock you and what not cause we appreciate it when you`re being yourself; a loser. (: Treat our friends better, you chose the wrong people to treat like shit. Go get laid, since you did say it was good. I pity you (imaginary) bf though. I wouldn`t fuck something which had a face like yours. hurrhurr. I know! You`re the "cover-the-face-fuck-the-base" kind, right! Ah now I get it. But really, let`s be honest I think we all know you`re gonna die a virgin. HAH. Howeverrrrr, I really won`t if you got laid but if you did. Boy is that a scary thought. *shudders*

You`re probably go blog about me in return. Bitch about me and such. Ho ho ho. At least I`ve got more guts than you to post it, public. (: Whatever the case is, just be nicer to our friends. Stop being such a pussy. And for fuck`s sake, save money.

Hmmm, rather shit entry to me. But who cares, she isn`t worth that much thought. But before I go! This is for Almy and Kelsey. (:

"I wear my watch on my wrist.".

Well, I`m off now. I`m bored.

With love,

Use your brain.

2007-01-02T01:16:00.000+08:00

I understand I look older than my age. I have nothing against it when people think I`m 18/20ish. It has its advantages, in my opinion. But really, looking like a mother? That`s a little too far. I`m only 16. I know baby nicholas looks a little like mine but still! USE YOUR BRAINS. Why would I have a kid in sec3??!?!? sheeshs.

PLUS, I look malay? someone wanted to argue with me over that. He`s so on that I`m malay and that I`m lying about being chinese. UGH.

STUPID FUCKING CHEENA POK MEN.
(i`m not racist.)

Goodbye 2006,

2006-12-31T23:51:00.000+08:00

HELLO 2007.

Hope you all have a good one.

What did you say again?

2006-12-31T03:02:00.000+08:00

I slept for 2 hrs this morning, headed out around 2+ to City Hall. It was alright, not that great but still good. I saw someone walking a piglet and I`m not lying. I want one too. City Hall got too pricey for us so we headed back to Shih Lin, got a few more things then home for dinner. That`s about all we did.

My boyfriend is barely there. Talking to him is so difficult. Its either he`ll reach home and is sleepy, or he`s going out with his friends. So technically, I have no fixed part in his life. I have to fix myself into his busy schedule just so I can talk to him over the phone. Pathetic, don`t you think? Really, I`m getting tired of calling and geting the: "hey bie, i met my friends already. i call you tmr okay?" or "bie, you tired go sleep. i`ll call you tmr." or he starts falling asleep on the phone. Hmmm. Call me tmr? FINE. Why not now I just stop fucking calling cause I don`t know when you`re free, then YOU call me whenever its to YOUR convenience. How`s that? Don`t worry about me, I`m just Alexcia and I have no life. Sheeshs. Spare a thought or two please? I do have things of my own to do. I do have a life I have to lead. My world doesn`t revolve around you as much as you and I would like it to. Like you said, I`m your girlfriend not your mother. I want attention and 10mins of your day just doesn`t cut it. I`m sorry.

You know you haven`t been paying me enough attention, calling yourself an 'asshole' for doing so doesn`t make up for anything. I think I can infere that on my own since I AM the one not receiving the attention. Tough juggling a relationship, friends and a job? Alright, I`ll make things easier. You just call whenever you`re free or remember that you have a girlfriend. I`ll try not to call anymore because its just inconvenient for you. I can`t seem to get my timings right, my bad.

I miss you a whole fucking lot. And having these short meaningless conversations everyday isn`t helping. Its merely just adding on. I bet you didn`t notice that. (: I knew you didn`t think if I worried for you, or that I actually wait for you to call back when you say you would. I`m like every other girl you had. However, I don`t react the same like they did. I`m not going to lose you so watch me get my way.

Ugh. I`m very much annoyed. I feel lonely, really. Even though there`s so much love around me here. There`s your love which I`m longing for. Ah whatever. I`m just being childish.

I just wished you`d realise how I`m feeling since talking it out to you, doesn`t work.

xoxo.

Insomnia.

2006-12-30T09:01:00.000+08:00

I haven`t slept despite me saying I was tired in my previous entry. Talking to Harley online since 6+ hrs ago. All good, all good. I miss that boy. The times in Limau Manis. HAHA. Memories please. Mind you, memories from when we were in primary school, a whole grp of us meeting at the playground at 4pm everyday and head home at 7pm sharp. LOL. Ahhh all gone.

He`s changed, we`ve changed. I still have the notebook he gave b4. LOL. Oh wells. Time really does fly. Whatever.

Just so you know, I feel fucking stupid for a totally different reason which none of you will know. (except Harley cause I was venting to him).

BYE.

ps/ why am I nice to people again? ENLIGHTEN ME.

In your face, bitch.

2006-12-30T06:42:00.000+08:00

Good morning, I haven`t slept.

Anyway, I`ve heard things about this person. I know its not right to listen to what others say however, I know the sources are true and the person is a bitch. Two-faced fat bitch. (:

She thinks she`s God`s gift to men, cause of the change she`s been thru. C`mon fatty, I can do it too. I`m just not insane like you. You talk about others as though you`re an angel. Oh please! You make it seem as though they owe you a living. They`re not your slaves/maids. Do things yourself and when things don`t go your way, don`t whine and bad mouth em. You can`t handle reality, that`s your problem. Deal with it. Don`t pull others into the picture and make it look as though they made your life miserable. FUCK YOU BITCH.

Furthermore, use what is yours. (: Go learn the true meaning behind "friends" too. You know what`s your problem? Everyone spoils you, your friends pity you so they give in. Sad but true. Girl, wake up. The world doesn`t revolve around you. Keep up this fucked up attitude and watch loneliness become your only friend. Trust me.

Okay, I`ll post a better one about her another time. I`m tired. I cannot think. I only know I hate that fucking bitch for being mean to my friends. Yes, I`m protective that way.

I wanna go home.

2006-12-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

New year`s around the corner. Time flies. Too fast.

So, I`ve been freezing my ass off. Sleeping till the cows come home and just being a bum. (: Perfect. Planning to go to City Hall tmr, see what they have there. Hmmmm.

I haven`t clubbed since a while. I`m getting quite annoyed with that. Gahhh. Nvm! I`m going to try and club before Annurshah leaves and before New Yr`s cause it`s Annurshah, Jack and I at home with dancing. (:

I`M COLD. BYE.

Peek-chures.

2006-12-28T23:29:00.000+08:00

Annurshah, baby Nicholas and I.

Then the sweets&chocos from our stockings.

Yupp, tonnes of sweets and chocos. Our teeth are all gonna fall out. (: So, American Club for dinner just now. Tonnes of pics taken. Had fun! Oh and the temperature`s dropped to 13 degrees. ): Its not even winter yet. Its only the start. Its the coldest in February. Save me. Okay, pictures in a while. Come back in a while if there`s none.

and specially to 'crissy baby' (HAHA!):

That`s all! With love from Yang Ming Shan, Taipei,

My first unfelt fucked-up earthquake.

2006-12-28T00:23:00.000+08:00

Good evening, if you people follow the news (which i doubt), you would have heard about the 7.1 magnitude quake and aftershocks which struck southern Taiwan. We didn`t feel anything and didn`t know anything till the news was on. Thankfully we`re all safe. (: Thank you Lord. Well, that explains my Taipei number(ChungHwa) fcuking up. As for my Starhub one, it`ll be fine once I pay the long overdue bill. x=

"TAIPEI, Taiwan (AP) -- Telephone lines and Internet service went dead across much of Asia on Wednesday after two powerful earthquakes damaged undersea cables used by several countries to route calls and online traffic."

"Dec. 28 (Bloomberg) -- Chunghwa Telecom Co., Singapore Telecommunications Ltd. and other Asian telephone carriers may take weeks to resume full Internet and phone services in the region after earthquakes off Taiwan damaged undersea cables.

"Chunghwa, Taiwan's biggest operator which had two of its cables cut, said it restored partial services to the U.S., Canada and China by rerouting connections. Full access may take two to three weeks, said Leng Tai-feng, Chunghwa's vice president. KDDI Corp., Japan's second-biggest carrier, said repairs typically take ``several weeks to months.'' "

I hate this so bad. I can`t call out which means I cannot call the love. ): I just want to cry lah. I miss him plenty please. Okay, I just want to contact him. That`s all. What if he`s happy I haven`t called? Sigh.

Take care all. I`ll blog tmr. Till then, no worries we weren`t affected by the earthquakes.

Good night.

Boxing Day.

2006-12-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hello one and all.

Santa did drop happiness down the chimney in the end ((: I can say I enjoyed my x`mas lots. Before dinner, was lazing around and looking after baby Nicholas. Boy oh boy, he`s such a darling. It was like love at first sight. As for his brother, Milan. I have nothing to say about that temper-throwing-dad-and-mum-biting-annoying little swine. (even though he`s cute too)

Opened presents. I got a Estee Lauder perfume set, a celtic necklace, bloody cool yet annoying alarm clock, headphones+mic, piggies, basketball hoop & money. All good, all good. (:

X`mas dinner was great. Fun started all after the dinner. We`ll for Annurshah and I at least. Tried the Taiwan beer and I thought it was not bad. Annurshah didn`t like it so she switched to bourbon coke. Soon we both were on it. Sweet. (: Went upstairs fixed my speakers and danced like mad. Fucking fun please. Annurshah has hidden dance talents, eh. LOL. So yeah, she had like 5 bourbon cokes. I had half mug beer and 4 bourbon cokes. Thing is, our last 2 drinks were like half bourbon, half coke = one glass bourbon, one glass coke. HAHA! We were happy people I tell you.

By the end of everything, the police dropped by to say the music was too loud. (parents were playing music too) So we turned it off. And by the end of the night I was flat on the rug. Crawled into bed with makeup all on + a throbbing head + a queasy stomach + crying over the phone to Karl to make things better. LOL! Joke I tell you. Eventually fell asleep and woke up not too long ago. Waiting for Annurshah to finish bathing then we`re off shopping! (again)

ps/ i do not have a hangover (:

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T14:51:00.000+08:00

Tis the season to be jolly. Right?

So, its Christmas Day and here I am updating. Christmas lunch later on though. We`ve got guest and the 2 kids are adorable. I`ll post pictures tonight. (: That is if lazines doesn`t get the better of me.

Anyway, Santa didn`t drop happiness down the chimney nor get my bf to sms/call to wish me merry x`mas. I guess I did my entry a tad too late. Maybe he was done with his Taiwan rounds. Gee, Santa you move way too fast. Could you still drop happiness down the chimney on your way home? Please?

He didn`t call me last night. I did. I haven`t spoken to him since 2 afternoons ago. Cause after work 2 days ago, his phone battery died after work. He was suppose to call me when he got home however, he didn`t get home till 10+am. He was out with his friends at The Balcony. No calls or sms to say he was out, or that he`ll be home late. Then he was suppose to work yesterday, so I called hoping to catch him before he leaves for work or at least wake him up should he be asleep. Stupid me, called and called. Called his house he said he wanted to sleep. Understandable. Called much later on, around 5+. His sister picks up and says he`s already left for work. Sigh. No call from him there either. So, I beared with it and I got a call later on. Half heartedness in his voice so I ask him to call later. Christmas came, I called instead. He said he`d call back then I remembered he had a x`mas party at his work place. No talk for us tonight. Even the little time I had to talk to him, put me to tears. Yes, I cried at x`mas again.

Baby, do you know that every night I wait for you to knock off work just so I can call you, or wait for you to call me? I`m so tired but I refuse to sleep cause all I want is just to hear your voice before I sleep. A little assurance from you that we`ll be alright? Did it ever cross your mind that I would do such things, and you going M.I.A worries me a whole lot? I doubt it did cause you don`t tell me anything and leave me waiting. Nevertheless, it doesn`t make me love you any less than I already do. You`re irreplaceble and I`d never ever want to lose something as great as you. Please understand where all this is coming from. I love you, I really do. I can tell you this a zillion times but it`ll never measure up to how much I do love you.

On a lighter note, to all those out there;

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS <3

Killing Christmas.

2006-12-25T00:49:00.000+08:00

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract unstable people!
You attract models!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract geeks!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

(how comforting to know I attract unstable people. are they unstable financially or mentally?)

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Paranoia You are constantly thinking about what others may be saying about you behind your back. You may also feel people have conspiracies against you, or they are out to get you. In crowds you may feel like everybody is watching to closely.
Manic Depressive
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

(even sweeter. sheeshs)

Your score on this personality test was 73%

Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural lead, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

Personality Quiz
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

(rather accurate, to me at least)

How Childish Are You? Your Result: Your a mixture of both. Being both childish and mature isn't a bad trait, actually that way you get the best of both worlds. Hopefully with these two characteristics you spread them out evenly. You can watch Cinderella and be entertained but also reading How to Kill a Mocking Bird is a good pass time for you. Great job.
Your mature.
Your too mature.
You are childish.
You wish you were childish.
How Childish Are You? Create MySpace Quizzes

(i`m getting carried away)

Are you a girlie girl or a butch bruiser. Your Result: Tomboy all the way! Your not into make-up or dresses, just ain't you thing. But not afaid to be a like feminine sometimes. Celeb-a-like: Michelle Rodriguez or Alex Parks
Could go either way, what mood takes you.
Ms. Butch for Sure!
Feminine but not as vain as Barbie!
Princess Bloody Barbie!
Are you a girlie girl or a butch bruiser. Make Your Own Quiz

(still bored.)

Dear Santa.

2006-12-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Santa,

You`ve probably been reading blogs for ~~children`s~~ young adults` christmas wishlist, right? Well why wouldn`t you with such advanced technology in this day and age. What more, you`ve been flying around the world with reindeers and a sled for aeons. Now that is advanced technology I tell you.

So anyway, I apologise for what I`ve said about you in my previous entry. And we all know even if there`s a fire burning in the fireplace you`d still get in. (Are you that desperate for milk and cookies?! PIG.) You should forgive me for what I said cause I`ve believed in you almost all my life, stopped a while but now I do. (: Its a steal, you know. Furthermore, I`ve been a good girl this year. (almost)

So you`re probably doing your annual global drop-offs but I bet you`ll get to read this with your PDA. You should have one, or I could always e-mail this to your cool Blackberry. C`mon, we all know you secretly have these. All your elves probably have one each. Lucky shortfarts. (Hey, I`m about their heightt, don`t I get one too?) Sorry, went off-track. So where were we? Oh right, you must be wondering why I`m typing this to you since it is already 1140pm of the 24th. A mere 20mins away to X`mas Day. No, I`m not wishing for material presents (cause they`re under the tree already. I have a fake Santa), I just wish for my X`mas day to be a good one. One without tears like last year`s. (:

I realised, every year the number of people I celebrate X`mas with decreases as the years go by. Why Santa? Is it because I stopped writing to you? As a child, it was my parents, grandparents and maid. It was like that for a long time till I was about 11/12. Then my father started to have flights on X`mas. 2004, I would say it was filled with goodness. I got a white X`mas. (: Stepdad, his parents, mother, grandparents were all there. We all were under one roof in some pretty cottage in England. Many thanks for that. 2005, Stepdad, his mother, my mother, grandparents, stepsiblings, maid & the ex-bf. Although almost everyone was there, I had to cry cause I missed my dad. And then it brings us to today, 2006. Stepdad, mother, "bro" & Annurshah. How drastic the numbers dropped. What more I`m in a foreign country, the weather`s cold and my boy`s in S`pore. ): I still miss my daddy.

This year`s Christmas isn`t as exciting as the other years. Its the first time in my life that I dread X`mas. There`s minimal X`mas sprite in me, or maybe nothing at all? Oh well. Santa, can you just drop happiness down the chimney please? Make tmr a good day. To start things off, could you ask my boyfriend to call and wish me? Or an sms at least.

Alright, I`ve written enough. Not a long wishlist this time. (: Thanks for all the wonderful x`mases I`ve had though. You da bomb, fatty! (: xoxo.

Love,
Alexcia Peterson-Lim

Shih Lin Night Market.

2006-12-24T02:10:00.000+08:00

Shih Lin nightmarket just now. It was good shit I tell you. Bought shit loads of things and I`m a happy happy girl. (: Got jackets, shoes, a bag, rings(((:, lingerie etc. I enjoyed myself luh. Annurshah got her belly pierced. I nearly pierced with her however was short on cash, and I`m testing on her to see if she survives it. Don`t worry, this is how I show my love for my bestie.

Tmr gotta wake up early, the maid`s coming. I see no link but my mother`s just using it as an excuse. Lame but fuck it.

Belly piercing, yes or no? Something for me to ponder on.

Oh, I love my boy so much lurhs. He just knows how to make me smile all the way from S`pore. He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I`m in this chilly weather. I swear I love this boy to bits and pieces. However, he does fuck up and not realise it but nevertheless, he is still love. MY LOVE. (:

I`ve never been happier with anyone before.

Take it slow.

2006-12-23T17:24:00.000+08:00

Everyhing about you is so beautiful.
Like your body, mind and soul.
Your evreything I ever wanted,
whem I`m with you I lose control.

I wish I could give you everything.
I wish that I can buy you diamon rings.
I wish that I can fly you 'round the world
Baby won`t you; won`t you be mah ~~girl~~boy.
All I wish that you will let me make your dreams come true.
Yeah cause you know I do you right.

~~Girl~~Boy you gotta love me.
I wanna have your heart,
wish I could give you my everything.

Okay, found this song not too long ago. It isn`t too new so yeah. Anyway, today`s a shit day. Just total shit. Our plans mean nothing. Fuck lah okay. Just fuck it all. I give up.

Christmas is 2 days away but I don`t feel a thing. I really don`t give a damn about Christmas this year. I didn`t shop for anything AT ALL. Not even myself or bestie or family. I confess okay. No cards even. Christmas means absolutely nothing to me this time. Fuck you Santa and your reindeers. I`m lighting the fireplace so you can`t come in. (:

But! To all my lovely friends out there who are looking forward to X`mas:

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS! (:
WITH LOTSA LOVE, ALEXCIA.

Unfaithful.

2006-12-23T02:49:00.000+08:00

Passing through uncouscious states.

2:55am. My eyelids are getting really heavy and my contacts are dry. ): I know I`m a late sleeper but this is a tad too much. The only reason I am awake at this unearthly hour is because of my boy. He`s suppose to call when he reaches home. Baaahhh.

I didn`t do anything today. Helped around the house, that`s about it. Had good moments with the family. Got ice down my "brother"`s pants when he carried me over his shoulders. (: Tonight isn`t that cold and I`m pleased.

Well, gonna see shops near by tmr with Annurshah. Let`s hope its all good stuff. Cheap too please! Oh and people send me letters. LOL. Seriously. I wanna keep, so when you guys are bored and have nth to do. WRITE TO ALEXCIA! ((:

#12, L30, Hsin An Road
Yang Ming Shan, Taipei 111
Taiwan R.O.C

& include your own address too lurhs. Madness I know. Okay, he`s called. I`m gonna talk a while to loverboy then I`m off to dreamland.

Good morning.

Timeworn.

2006-12-22T04:50:00.000+08:00

Good morning! Its 4:52am in Taipei`s Yang Min Shan with a temperature of 16 degrees celcius and a humidity of 59%.

Seriously, I just checked. http://www.wunderground.com/global/stations/58968.html. Yeah, I`m braindead. I`m not thinking of what I`m doing. Actually, I`m dead tired but I can`t seem to bring myself to bed. Oh well, I`ll do it soon.

Right, tv`s working now. (: We`ve got shit channels. At least there`s Star World and HBO. Oh, we`ve got xxx channels too. Rather interesting I should say but its not something which would turn me on and make me want to have sex. Its sad. Censored asian porn. Pathetic. Where`s the 'kick'? Taipei men must be very sad people. They should try the internet instead. What more, we have music channels where its just music no picture. R&B, HipHop, US popular songs and... bird hummings. Amusing.

Okay, I`m tired. Long day tmr. Date with the log man. He`s bringing us logs for the fireplace. (: BYE.

I think its special.

2006-12-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

For starters, due to the weather being so cold I haven`t bathed since I arrived. Ok no fuckwits, I DID BATHE ALL THE DAYS. (: Its just a must for me.

Anyways, Taipei is mother* cold. To top it off its raining and the wind, the wind is a killer please. I freeze my butt off walking outside. What more, I`m living in a friggin mountain, Yang Min Shan. How cute. Ugh. Electricity and hot water comes only at certain periods of time hence me blogging now. I`ll have to finish this entry quick so I can have a warm shower before time`s up. Oh mountain life.

Right, please do not believe that. I`m just a tad high. Must be the altitude, eh? (: No I`m actually pretty sad. I miss my boy so much, not forgetting everyone else in S`pore. Sighhhhs. It was so sweet that Nisha, Kels, Amanda Lee, Amanda Lim, Dee & Zora woke up so early to see me off. LOVE YOU PEOPLE TO BITS LURHS.

& ALMY! Thanks for the pretty pretty necklace and sweet letter. Made me tear. And UGLY! Thank you too, its so nice. Effort eh. (: All appreciated and kept close.

Alright, I really miss my baby. Its getting to me now. I suddenly wanted him here asap to hug me etc but no, I can only dream. I love the boy lots lurh. Its rare that I actually talk about my significant other on my blog cause most of the time I think its not worth the effort and people to know either. (: Sad but true. Karl, I miss you plenty. February okay? Hang in there, love. We`ll make it. Prove everyone wrong.

I heart my Fernandez.

Glambassador

2006-12-13T18:20:00.000+08:00

Zouk last night. Made new friends, really enjoyed their company. Real people, you know? Anyway, totally enjoyed myself to the max. It was fucking good I swear (in my opinion). Seriously, I had so much fun words cannot express it. Danced the night away, danced with whoever & whatever. Let myself go and boyyyy was it a good idea. It is like what Travis once said, "whatever starts on the dance floor, stays on the dancefloor". (: Totally agreed. Saw dearest Sherlyn Wong again ((((: and Crystal Chiam. Haven`t seen that one in four yrs too. Oh SACPS times.

So, as you can see. Zouk last night was the bomb (although around 12+ was a little shit). Thank you Chun Ping, Clarence, Harris, Justin, Kansie (+ her 2 friends), Sherlyn & Crystal for the great time.

I thoroughly enjoyed my little self and somethings are just better left unsaid. (:

Alright, woke up around 4+ and its 6+ now, I`m starting to get hungry. Famous Amos time! Oh, and he`s coming to see me now! Last night and today just can`t get any better. I feel so much love in me, I`m super happy. C`mon, its a good time to be my friend. I won`t bite now.

BYEBYE

Yes, its only you.

2006-12-10T15:07:00.000+08:00

Is it so hard to spend a day with you? Just one whole day, just you and I. Is that too much to ask for? Am I being selfish by wanting something like that.

Thank you for spending the night nonetheless, it was sweet to fall asleep in your embrace. But that didn`t last long, did it? Single-sized bed is too small for two. Hence, I was soon in the other bed. Alone. I missed you even though you were a mere 2 steps away. That`s how much you mean to me.

Then I woke up with the joy in me thinking that I had the whole day with you. Thinking that yes the wait for the weekdays + Saturday to fly by and Sunday to arrive, will finally pay off. Just you and I, out together. That`s what I thought at least. Well, the thought of what we could do today made my heart smile.

That was before you told me your plans.

A couple but with no knowledge of each other`s on-goings. What`s happening. Its alright, I understand. Boys day out, you haven`t seen them in a while. I know, don`t worry. I was just being petty me. Then again, 18th isn`t that a big deal to you is it?

I hated saying nothing was wrong when you asked, it hurt to ask you to go home. It hurt to see you leave my house. It hurt to know I would be spending Sunday, alone. But it hurt the most to think that the second last Sunday we have left, is gone. Just like that and that we only have one last full day for us (next sunday) till the 18th is here. So I ask myself, who am I to you & how much do I mean to you?

Till next Sunday, or when you start work at 5pm; I`ll miss you a whole lot.

Solitude, not loneliness.
Solitude, not loneliness.
Solitude, not loneliness.

Alexcia, pull yourself together. You `re just there. You just exist. Don`t think you`re much significance to him. C`mon, its time to build more walls around yourself. Save yourself.

I love. Will you?

Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you

Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Let the music play.

2006-12-08T05:56:00.000+08:00

Past 2 nights have been rather lonely. Got really used to seeing him before I sleep and when I wake up, but it was tiring for him. Hence why he hasn`t stayed over the past 2 nights. Well, something I definitely have to get used to. ))): Its almost 6am and I`m updating. Something random. I`m going to stop using my Lancome "Miracle" cause I just found out some bitch whom I totally detest likes it and is going to use it. I sure as hell don`t want to have the same scent as such an ugly being. (I`m not the prettiest around but let`s say she`s worse than me, so that`s very very ugly).

Whatever, I want to highlight my hair sometime this week, the ones I have now are rather few. Nvm, I`m still pleased with it. (:

I should actually head to bed. Oh yes, MOS sucked, the house music grew on me. Smoove was fuckingfucking sardine-can packed with disgusting ahbengs with their ~~dogs~~ ahlians aka girlfriends. But I GOT TO HANG OUT WITH MY DARLING SHERLYN WONG AFTER FOUR BLOODY YEARS (((: ! Zouk on the 12th, any takers?

Right, meeting him later!!! I hope. \= I miss him like a lot please. Shockingggg. I just blanked out. I`ll update at night.

GOOD MORNINGGGG

Swing your hips.

2006-12-04T18:13:00.000+08:00

I`M BACK. (:
(till the 18th, sulks)

Anyway, Taiwan was alright. Came back on the 2nd around noon. Stoned around with him. Then in the evening, headed out to meet the group and off to Kallang Theater. Amanda was good. Hot, please. Haha.

After the concert, the love picked me up and headed home. I wasn`t my best, felt rather down and depressed what not. So ya.

He left to meet his friends, then came back to meet me cause I was sad. Awwww. He stayed over and the packers were there the next morning. Shifted house yesterday, 1st night there last night.

Whatever. I don`t really remember. I`m just trying to spend as much time as possible with him. ((:

MOS tmr night, mmmm. Yay? Going to meet dearest Sherlyn Wong. The girl who took 4 yrs to meet up, seriously.

OKAY. till the next time.

Im bored

You know I`m tired...

2006-11-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

I`m tired and close to being brain-dead because...

I checked my phone when my MSN alerted me of a new msg.
I turned off my desk light when I wanted to lower the vol. of my music.
Canadian Pizza didn`t tell me how long they`d take or how much it costs, and I only realised this 2 mins after I hung up.
I`m having difficulties typing this out because thinking how to spell is tough.

Rawr! Hug me, prettybaby. ):

"Stop over"

2006-11-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

I`m back! (for a day).

Bangkok was alright, shopped quite a bit. Thank you, daddy! ((: Didn`t get to go to chatuchak(?) cause its a weekend market and uurrmm, it wasn`t the weekend. Duh. Just got back about 2 hrs ago. Pretty tired.

Taiwan tmr at noon. ): Boring. I don`t feel like going. Back on the 2nd of Dec. Ugh. I just want to stay here and enjoy life with my loves. Oh well.

I`m tired, bye!

Shopping!

2006-11-22T11:36:00.000+08:00

Good morning,

came home arnd 5-ish this morning. Walked by MOS and it looked packed. 11+ pm and the fight still didn`t start yet. So, we headed to Cocco. Freaking empty when we got there plus it was like already 12 plus? Whatever. However it did start to get crowded. Stayed till closing which was 3am. Then all 11 of us went to have supper. Cabbed home after.

Annurshah, Nisha, Kels, Amanda and love stayed over. Bloody funny before we fell asleep. Kelsey, cookies&cream. LOL. Laughed till my stomach hurt and my eyes were all teary. (: Finally fell asleep around 6+ and woke up at 730am to let Annurshah and Amanda out. Fell back to sleep till 1030am then Kels and Nisha left. The love`s still here, sleeping in the arm chair. Bloody cute please. He`s like how tall and want to fit in the small chair. HAHA. Will try and post a pic the next time.

Its about an hr before I must be in the airport to meet my daddy. Bangkok time, baby! Shopping shopping shopping. (: Okay, let me be honest. I`m shopping for myself so don`t ask for anything. Sorry but I don`t want to lie.

Till the 25th! Goodbye.

ITS ALL OVER.

2006-11-21T00:28:00.000+08:00

LIBERATED ! (:

O`s are finally over. It was like not long ago that we were complaining that the O`s were so far away, then the O`s were near and we were freaking out. Then it arrived and we complained about it being 20 days till it ended. Look at us now, we`re free! (((: Seriously, its good shit I tell you. Gotta enjoy to the max max max. YAY.

Coccolatte/MOS(?)/Momo(?) tmr night. Party time. Let it be good please. Oh, and I have someone telling me to try and not go next time. Not to drink (which i don`t in the 1st place) and not to take drinks from people. Ugh. Why don`t you tell me to not talk to strangers or accept candy from them as well? Sheeshs. I know you`re being caring but c`mon, I`m not that stupid? Thankyouandgoodbye. Fucked up. Tmr will be good. I hope he can make it, really.

Didn`t really plan for tmr, let`s just go with the flow okay my darlings? (:

and PRIYA! Sorry babe, didn`t go to your hse. ): but still I hope you guys had a good time yeah?

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY (20thnov), MY DEAR NINGNING! (:

Okay, I should be done. Till something worth blogging happens;

GOODNIGHT!

Fuck Taipei

2006-11-19T02:33:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying at the thought of leaving him behind. ))':

Baby, we`ll be alright.

HISTORY IS HISTORY.

2006-11-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

I like this song, still!

History, is history. (: I can say so cause I highly doubt I`d be taking History anytime soon. (((: Then again, I just might if I retake the Os. Please Lord, no.

Anyway, History was shit. What I studied didn`t come out. Wait who am I kidding, I didn`t study in the first place. LOL. League of Nations and Treaty of Versailles came out. Souce base was the dopest shit ever. WHAT FUCKED UP SBQ WAS THAT MAN?! I know I failed history, for sure. Only have me me me to blame. Whatever, shut up. Its over. Till results, we shall see.

After the paper, headed to Parkway (again!) with Annurshah and Jerine. Walked around with Jer while Annurshah had a talk with Sean. Got my m)phosis top hence I`m a happy girl. Dinner at KFC with Jer then headed home. (:

Okay, I`m bored and my laptop`s being a total prick. ARGH.

Short-lived happiness.

2006-11-16T23:58:00.000+08:00

"So now you regret lah?".
"Regretting.".

Ummm.
okthankyou, itdidhurt.
btw, ~~happy~~ 1st.

Coccolatte ; 21st

2006-11-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

Might I add, Coccolatte on the 21st isn`t going to be as good as I thought it`d be. All because some nut decided to have a change of jobs and go work at Balaclava. Annoying. I told that nut ages ago about the 21st and that nut knows I was so looking forward to it. Pffftt! On a lighter note, the nut`s going to meet me after work. (BUT STILL!)

Now you know why I hate planning or looking forward to things? Cause time always changes things. No expectations, no disappointments. (: Easier said than done though. Well, looks like the 21st is going to be a girls` night out. Party time my lovelies. Then again, there`s another group which I forgot about. Lol. No planning, girl. Go with the flow!

ps/ the nut belongs to me.

Little more.

2006-11-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

Hello, I`m dead tired. Can you believe that I woke up around 8 plus in the fucking morning? Mmmm.

Anyway, went out with my mother around 10 plus to check on somethings, then we decided to head to Concourse. Got myself some deco. thingamabob. The guy there was cute, not to mention funny too.
"Buy me".
"How much?".
"$20".
"So cheap? Okay then. So you`re coming home with us?
". "Haha no lah".
Ouhmagash, bloody cute puh-lease. LOL. =x

After that, headed to Arab Street cause I wanted to get some jewel thingys. Walked a little more and we went into some random fabric shop, found reaaallly nice fabrics and my mother tailored a dress for the 16th of Dec. (: If it turns out nice, I`m getting a red tube dress for March. Joy. ((: Once we were done, picked my grandparents up and went to Bedok inter. to get my grandmother a new hp. Nokia 6131, whatever lah. Sat with my mum watching kids in those fucking annoying battery car thingys. Insipid chinese kids with no sense of direction. Like what my mother said, "fuglies in the buggys". HAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, Geog MCQ tmr. ALL THE BEST. We must pull through. (i`m still not looking forward to History, fucked up shit).

BYE LAH.

Shakespeare.

2006-11-14T01:41:00.000+08:00

Literature paper2 ; Twelfth Night.
3 words: Shakespeare`s a bitch.

Okay, went for breakfast with Annurshah at Bedok Macs. Waited to pass some nut back his History textbook. Headed home after that. Showered and fell asleep on the couch while watching tv. Was drifing in and out of sleep till 9pm, and I`m still tired. Goodness. Maybe cause I`m losing blood. (: Yes, I`m having my period and I`m fucking glad cause then I won`t have it on the 21st. HURRHURR. Thank you, Lord.

As of the 20th of November 2006, 9 a.m. I AM MOTHERFUCKING FREE! ITS PARTY TIME, BITCHES. Weee I`m happy. (its just that damn history paper,hmmm)

Whatever. The boy is M.I.A. I`m getting quite annoyed with the little attention he pays me. Hmmm. ):

Bolly Bolly.

2006-11-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

... because I got the "Bolly Bolly" CD. I think its good shit so lay off.

Twelfth Night tmr. Not looking forward to it. Don`t know what in the blue hell to study for it. I just cannot wait till the Monday after next. Party.

Anyway, went to Parkway today. Got a dress, polka dots, for the 16th of Dec. (: My mother just got angry with me for no reason. Oh the pettiness. "Come talk to me when you feel like it". Sheeshs, don`t take it out on me cause you`re stressed. I`m tired and am having a headache. Will you go away for a bit?

To top it all up, I have some dipshit asking me about girls from SAC, whether I know them or not. For fuck`s sake, 4 years in the school and I think I should know most of them by now. Not personally, but I can name them should I see them. Furthermore, he`s adding people from my Friendster list. UGH I HATE HATE HATE PEOPLE WHO DO THAT ESP GUYS. FUCKING DESPERTE LOSERS.

Remember, don`t talk to me just to know girls. Do I look like some match-making/dating agency? NO SO FUCK OFF.

Im tired, can you tell?

RANDOM.

2006-11-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

I know I just updated but I must add this on. Something very random, but puts a crazy smile on my face. Oh, the easily content. (:

So, imagine standing at the start of an escelator, staring intently at the last step, blocking everyone`s way. The public would be annoyed and someone at some point of time will probably go "EH! What you doing ah?! Block the way only siah." or to that extent. Then you can just turn around and reply in an agitated manner, "WHAT LAH! I looking to see if there`s anymore little kids` toes, cannot is it?!". LOL.

Funny or not. It still tickles me. So lay off.
( I must be tired.)

5 more to go (:

2006-11-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

Do you know......

the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man. Do you know the muffin man who lives on *mumblemumble* street!

HAHA okay, lame. I`m sorry. As you can obviously see, I`m just a tad bit high. No, I`m just happy. (: About what? I have no clue but it`s all good. (:

English wasn`t too bad, have a feeling I won`t be pleased with my grades though. Physics was surprisingly alright (t0 me) but everyone said it was tough. Dammit! Geography paper 2 was alright, manageble. Not expecting much from it, like what Nisha said. Haha. Its E maths paper 2 tmr. Oh I am scared. Paper 1 was alright, please make paper 2 the same. We`d all like to pass. Really, please.

Once maths is over, I`m left with only 4 papers left! ((:

Literature ; Twelfth Night
Geography MCQ
History (ughh)
Phy/Chem MCQ

After which its party time! I`m already getting excited. Alright, a little youtube time now.

GOOD LUCK!

ps/ my hp is dead.

Goodbye, Chemistry.

2006-11-08T01:07:00.000+08:00

Don`t talk about Chemistry unless spoken to about. Only have 2 words for it: FUCKED UP!

Anyway, came home and slept till 3 plus. Headed to Borders with my mother to meet old friends, catch up and such. After that, Zara then Borders. Let`s say I needed retail therapy. (excuses, excuses.) Saw a fucking fuckinggg(!!!!) nice pair of black heels in Zara, but the 38 slipped when I walked and 37 was too small. ): $#^$*&@#^$%#_. Got 2 organisers for year 2007. They were so pretty. =
Okay, English and Physics tmr. Off to read through physics now. GOOD LUCK!

EM1 and SS

2006-11-06T17:41:00.000+08:00

Surprisingly, I though E maths paper 1 was actually quite easy. Freaky please. It was much easier than the prelims(duh). I lost only 6 marks for blanks as compared to before when it was in the 20s to the occational 30s range. Serious. Very much please with my EM1. (:

Social Studies. ): I want to cry. My favourite subject, one which I studied for. I fucked it up, big time. I can say I failed it, swear. And I`m not the kind to say I failed knowing that I won`t. *cough* Cannot tolerate those sort of people. SBQ was fucking stupid. SEQ was good but I didn`t have enough time. ))))): Just let me pass please please please! Sigh.

Chemistry (8am-915am) tmr. I pray it will be passable like how I passed for prelims
(which I have no idea how I did it). Except this time I hope I do well, along with my physics how I failed during prelims. Annoying. Shall disturb the boy once I`m done with the paper. We`ll see.

Full week ahead, exams everyday. At least next week onwards will be quite spaced out. (: Alright, all the best to the O level peeps. 8 papers left (excluding tmr`s chem) ! Go! Go! Go!

Christmas is coming.